My Year Without A Date


I was recently thinking back on my 2013 and realized just how much I had accomplished. I became a business owner, I welcomed new babies into my family with love, my partners and I pulled off the amazing task of publishing a print magazine, and so much more. There was so much positive, so much badassery that I was left in awe. Then it hit me, with all that work I’d seriously ignored a different part of my life. I’d gone the entirety of 2013 without a date, not a single one. 2013 will forever be ‘my year without a date’.

I could sit here and tell you that becoming a business owner and having a crazy goal oriented year kept me from dating. I could explain the complicated and insane process of producing a print magazine and how it barely left time for showering and sleep let alone fostering a relationship. I could tell you all those things but it’s not really an excuse, now is it?

I mentioned to a friend that I’d gone a year without a date and she tried to fight me on it, no doubt to make me feel better.

“You’ve been on dates with friends,” …those don’t count.

“You had a lunch date with a married man.” Again, doesn’t count as that falls into the friend date category as well.

“You had that date with that guy you saw a while back.” Second dates with no possibility of relationship don’t count.

I have gone a year without a date, a first date, with somebody who gave me butterflies. I haven’t preened in a mirror, perfected my makeup, agonized over an outfit, or worried about the end of the date kiss. Not once this year have I done that. The first date process may be anxiety inducing but it’s so much fun. That giddy excitement, the not knowing what the night may hold, the hope that he might be the one… or at least the one for a while.

I have to own my part in this year without a date oversight. I allowed an entire year to go past without even noticing that I hadn’t been on a date. That’s right, I didn’t even notice it. In fact, when I realized that all of 2013 passed without a date I was in shock. How could that have happened, a whole year without a date? The answer is simple, really., theindiechicks, my year without a date, 2013 and single, a year without a date, getting ready for a date, putting makeup on, tumblrI didn’t make it a priority. I didn’t really care one way or the other if I did, or didn’t date. I had men to talk to, flirtationships, male friends, and attention from men to fuel that flirty side of me. Why would I try to actively date when that takes so much time and energy? I didn’t put myself out there, didn’t attempt online dating, didn’t ask any guys out. But, I also didn’t miss dating, if I had I would have noticed long before December that I’d gone a year without a date. I didn’t date because I was busy building my company and that was more important.

Oh but wait, there’s more…

Julie Zantopoulos

Julie Zantopoulos

Julie is Vice President and Editor-in-Chief of The Indie Chicks. She's working on publishing her first book, a collection of short stories, and writing a young adult novel series. Other loves include whiskey, the Flyers, and anything LOTR, Harry Potter, or Young Adult Lit. Don't be shy about following her on Instagram or emailing her to discuss contributing to The Indie Chicks.

  1. As someone who’s gone dateless her entire life (18 years babe) I agree with this article! Honestly for me, the whole spectrum sounds nice but I love focusing on whatever I’m working on, so it’s genuinely hard for me to be attracted to someone (especially my own age, most are still immature). I’m starting to genuinely enjoy being single and realized that while dating seems nice, I don’t need it. We are in charge of our lives and have the capability to getting whatever we want in any realm, yet we are the only ones stopping ourselves. This year if I find a spark, my goal is to go after it instead of focusing on my work so much.

    1. Oh Dana, dear. I totally get being driven and being focused on what matters to you. I also know that the longer you go without the ‘zing’ the easier it is to forget how amazing it feels. I don’t want to cheat myself of that. There is room for both if you’re doing it right. Find the time to feel the zing.

  2. This is like me going into my work hole and coming out with, “Holy shit. I haven’t showered in….” – only on a much grander scale.

    What I love about your little epiphany is the fact that your decisions were completely brainwash free. You didn’t stop in the middle of the year and say to yourself, “Wow. I should really be dating, shouldn’t I?” That’s a lesser level of, “Wow. I am and this old and should have this many kids and this kind of job by now.” Something sparked your interest and for a prolonged amount of time, it wasn’t a penis.

    That said, we all deserve the euphoria of those first date rides and just like I need to learn to make time to shower, you need to learn to make time to experience all of that.

    So I like your promises:)

    1. lol it most certainly wasn’t a penis. I knew I was busy, knew I wasn’t getting out as much as previously, but I didn’t miss it so I didn’t seek it. Everyone needs that rush of flirtation that you know will go somewhere though. I definitely want that this year…just a bit…not enough to be distracting. 😉

  3. Had I not already been in a relationship this year, I probably would have done close to, if not the same thing. There were plenty of times where my BF had to bring me back down to Earth and remind me that he needs tending to as well.

    I do have to argue your point that men can get laid just as easy as women. MOST men have to put in a lot of work to get to the point of having a girl have sex with them. Not saying that there aren’t plenty of women out there okay with “casual one time thanks very much don’t bother calling me again sex” but women tend to get more takers if they want that sort of thing 😉 However, if our focus isn’t sex or dating it’s not a matter that you can’t or couldn’t have sex. It’s just that it wasn’t a priority.

    My novel got away from me this year. i didn’t write one word. NOT ONE. I refuse to let that happen again. In fact, I refuse to let this year go by without finishing one of them!

    New year, new goals. Always have to keep making little improvements here and there to be the best US possible.

    1. Don’t even get me started on the novel goal! That’s another must this year. It needs a lot of TLC and quality time. I’m going to make it happen. Hell there’s nothing I can’t make happen so long as I keep it a priority. Thanks for the encouragement, love!

  4. I haven’t been on a date in 30yrs but then I have been married for 29yrs so I guess that is to be expected married people don’t generally go on dates, yes I know some have date nights but Tim doesn’t believe in date night he says he is married he doesn’t have to have a date night and would rather just stay home with his lovely wife.

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