I bet you’re wondering why I would make such a bold statement, and whether I’m ready to back it up. The truth is, having been a bartender, I am beyond certain this statement holds true… for most of you. So why, exactly, is a your bartender smarter than you?
4 Kickass Skills You May Not Have
She Can Count
While you’re enjoying your delicious margarita and slurring your words as you bitch about your shitty job, she’s carefully crafting your next drink. Ever gotten a drink that tasted like shit? That bartender probably couldn’t count. Pour counts are proportional to ounces in the drink’s recipe, and when done correctly the result can send chills of pleasure down your spine.
She Can Multitask
Obviously, this doesn’t necessarily scream ‘intelligence’ but you have to give the girl credit for being able pour two bottles with one hand while simultaneously pouring a beer AND entering your order into the computer. Even when doing all of this on autopilot, your bartender has perfected each maneuver and is able to perform it with style.
She Has Remarkable Social Skills (And is a Fabulous Actress)
Your bartender is able to connect with you, listen to you, and often times offer valuable advice when you’re most in need. She’s able to adapt to the different groups of customers and be able to switch back and forth in conversations.
Another thing about bartenders, sorry to break this to you, is that they’re usually ‘acting the part’ – and they’re good at it. If you need to be talking to a flirt, she’s able to flirt. If you need her to be an attentive listener, she can shut her mind off and coordinate the correct responses to everything you spit her way. Most bartenders find a persona that works best, and they stick to it.
She Can Put Up With Your Shit (& Make Fun of You Later)
You know where you’re an asshole to your bartender and you think you’re hilarious? Most bartenders aren’t stupid and they’re definitely not doormats. Most will only risk getting written up (or fired) if you really piss them off. Once, this asshole snapped his fingers in my face and said, “Hey Boobs. Some service, please?”. He was sorry he opened his mouth.
Holding your shit together when some jerk comes to treat you like shit cause his boss did the same to him is a really admirable quality that doesn’t get the praise it deserves.