I once heard a wise person say that when you lie to someone, it’s a form of hating them. For whatever reasons you’ve decided, that person was not worthy of your truth. No one likes a bullshitter. There are some people who have made such a habit of lying that they forget what the truth is. Of course I’m not talking about one person’s perceived version of the truth; I’m talking about what is factual. If you’ve been taught to tell white lies, or outright blatant bullshit in order to spare someone’s feelings, I’m here to teach you how to tell the truth.
I once knew a girl who lied about absolutely everything. I mean EVERYTHING. She couldn’t make herself tell the truth if her life depended on it. I understand if one must fake it ’til they make it, but she took faking to a whole new level. I couldn’t understand how a perfectly good person could be so ridiculously untrustworthy. It dawned on me. No one ever taught her how to tell the truth. Since lying is a bad habit, being determined to tell the truth is a correction that will inevitably become a habit as well.
The most common reason a person doesn’t tell the truth is fear. The fear that stems from appearing either judgmental or opening up one’s self for judgment is enough to create years of untruth. Come from a place of caring and not judgment (neither judgment of the person to whom you are relaying the truth, nor judgment of the consequences you may suffer), and being honest with people will become much easier.
Next time someone asks you a simple question that you would usually answer with a lie, try exhaling the desire to lie and tell the truth instead. You’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel.
Context is Queen
It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. There is a way to make a cruel honest truth bearable. I’ll just use this as an example because I know how common it is. When I once asked a friend if I looked pudgy in a dress she didn’t say, “You look like a fat hoe. Go change.” She told me, “This will look more flattering on you,” while she handed me a looser dress. She motivated me to hit the gym the day after.
Sure, I could’ve chosen to be defensive and feel sorry for myself because someone confirmed that I’d gained a little weight, but I knew that she cared about me deeply enough to not wait for someone else to let me know about my physical carelessness. I took care of business and loved her even more for being honest with me.
Use Your Texts
If face-to-face honestly is something you have to work up the nerve to do, use your texts. Write a good, old-fashioned note if you have to. Send a text if you must. There’s no shame in taking baby steps to become a truth teller. You’ve gotta start somewhere.
Truth Will Set You Free
Instead of living a life in which you keep your soul hidden because of some reason that results in inconvenience and living in the shadows, take the brave road and allow yourself the privilege of unapologetically being yourself. Be determined to be the rawest version of yourself. You’ll feel lighter. You won’t have to remember stupid stuff you made up for the sake of trying to save face.
What I’ve learned the hard way is that the truth always comes out, so better to let it out and be proud than to tell a lie and be discovered as a fraud later.