Love and Sex Relationships

Signs of a Controlling Man: 9 Red Flags

Red Flag 5: He Murders Your Confidence

When a man starts out off the bat showering you with love and praise, it’s easy to feel even more confident than before. Unfortunately, when he starts picking you apart that confidence can sail right out the window and splatter all over the sidewalk.

After about 4-6 months with Abaddon our sex life begin to dwindle. It wasn’t long before we were only doing it once a month, if that. When we did have sex he acted as though he were doing me a favor. In fact, he’d hardly touch me at all, for any reason. I was convinced there was something wrong with me. That I was unattractive to him or that I was just undesirable in general. That, amongst other things, chipped away at the confidence I once had in myself.

Caution Flag: A good man wants you to feel good about yourself. Period. Any man that puts you down or tries to make you feel bad about yourself needs to go. 

Red Flag 6: Oh Hello, Mr. Hyde

Does he flip back and forth between being cold and sweet? Are you miserable mostly, considering a break-up and then suddenly that amazing, loving guy is back making you believe that he’s still there somewhere? I used to believe that if I could stop fucking up and upsetting him, I’d get that guy back. For some reason, no matter how hard I tried or how “good” I was, he never came back.

Newsflash (Screw the caution flag): That guy is NOT coming back in fact, I hate to break it to you but he never existed. A controlling man is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Once you see what’s underneath, that’s what you’re going to get.

Red Flag 7: Love Hurts

Has he put his hands on you? Be honest with yourself here. While he hadn’t outright punched me (yet), Abaddon would violently grab me, shove me, pull my hair and bruise me. One time, in front of my sister he shoved a chip with hot cheese into my mouth and burnt the shit out of it. I cried while he laughed and then got angry at me. Wtf??

Caution Flag: Any man that physically hurts you on purpose, is a man you should walk away from. This isn’t just a sign of a controlling man, it leaves the door open for physical abuse. The more you tolerate it, the more it will escalate. 

Red Flag 8: Hey, You’re a Crazy Bitch…

I’m a pretty even keeled girl and I tend to dish out trust rather than forcing people to earn it. With Abaddon, I felt crazy. Just nuts. I was paranoid like he was off cheating every time he left the house. I checked up on him every chance I had. I’d never acted that way before.

Caution Flag: If he’s making you question your sanity like no one else ever has, this is a sign he’s controlling you without you even realizing it.

Red Flag 9: Excuse Me?

You know that friend who is always complaing about what a douche her boyfriend is but when you suggest she break up with him, she switches gears? You know, “Oh you just don’t know him like I do. He’s actually really sweet. He’s not that bad, I’m just having a bad day. Blah, blah, blahhhhh.”

Caution Flag: When you’re in deep you’ll defend the very person that’s making you miserable. Even worse, it’s more like you’re trying to convince yourself, rather than who you’re defending him to.

If I can help one woman realize that she’s dating a controlling man, or break free from one, then this was more than worth sharing.

Do these signs of a controlling man sound similar to what you’re going through or went through? Have you ever dated a control freak? How did you break free? 

Chrystal Rose

When Chrystal isn't writing and performing her President & COO duties for The Indie Chicks, she's running her very own marketing company, Dollhouse Marketing. She's a total travel junkie, health/fitness fanatic, mommy to a couple of furbabies and a Girl Scout Troop leader. Helping people, especially women is one of the things she loves the most so feel free to contact her via email or any of her social media outlets.

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