sex

Pop Goes the Slut

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

In today’s world, throwing the word ‘slut’ around is done as casually as checking your phone while you pee – we’re all guilty of it. Does anyone still know what it means to be a slut? What makes you sexually adventurous? What makes you destructively promiscuous? And more important than how others view you, how does being a ‘slut’ really affect you? Should it be a celebration of self-discovery or should it be considered a self-destructive manifestation of issues that haven’t been dealt with?

It’d be easy if there was a universal number of sexual partners that when reached within a certain period of time would award you the title of ‘slut’. But life isn’t easy, and the fact no such number exists leaves the boundaries open to interpretation. And we all know what happens when we invite others to become part of the judgment jury of our lives: they judge the fuck out of us and they enjoy doing it.

But sexual exploration is healthy, right?

Yet as healthy as sexual exploration is, it’s worth noting that every individual has his/her own number that determines their placement on the slut scale. But is number the only factor?

How To Tell If  You’re a Slut

  1. It’s never about them, it’s always about you – Though you may have an appreciation for the opposite sex (or same sex if that’s how you play) – i.e. big butts, little butts, supple breasts, blondes, brunettes, heck.. anything with working genitalia – the thrill comes from your ability to conquer.
  2. Escape the inescapable - Do you find refuge from your problems between the sheets? If you find yourself using sex to deal with every day obstacles, you may be a slut (& you may have a diagnosable sex addiction, but let’s not get too serious here…)
  3. It’s either completely meaningless – Orgasming feels good and at this point, you’re just trying to beat your personal record. How high can you go?
  4. Or you need it to mean completely too much – If you’re looking to gain something from a seemingly meaningless hook up, you’ll be looking for a long time; which in turn translates to you screwing a bunch of people in search for a nonexistent treasure. Those who have a void needing to be filled tend to try to fill it with all the wrong things, never realizing it’s only creating a deeper hole.
  5. You’ve got an embarrassingly high number – So when you’re out with friends, sharing secrets and someone asks, “What’s your number?” It’s normal for there to be one person who trumps ‘em all. But if you’re hearing numbers hovering around the 20s and 30s and you’re skipping around the tripple digits, you may have crossed the line of curiosity and exploration.

The pleasure that comes with being a slut is short lived. You feel attractive and wanted until the orgasm has been reached and the cab fare has been paid. The morning after hardly ever brings the kind of satisfaction you crave.

In essence, although the number does play a role in defining a slut, the reasons for the promiscuity, in my opinion, are much better indicators.

Healthy Sexual Exploration

Having said that, I’m a cheerleader for experience and experimentation. You don’t get an alert on your phone telling you, “You’re now in the double digits: danger zone for slutness, slow your roll and hide genitalia for X months in order to recharge.” Set your own boundaries and listen to that little voice inside. If you’re sleeping around and wake up feeling like a used kitchen rag, it may be for a reason. On the other hand, if you wake up thanking Pablo for teaching you that pretzel move and you were safe while doing it, what’s the harm? (Something awesome to impress your next lover with)

Never lie to yourself. If you feel shitty about what you’re doing, it’s for a reason. What everyone else thinks doesn’t matter. I was called a slut for losing my virginity (doesn’t make much sense, does it?)… If your friends pull you aside for a sex-ervention, it may be wise to listen. Once you deal with that void, you’ll still be able to screw freely… you’ll just appreciate it for what it’s worth rather than using it as a method of self-medication.

Just remember there is nothing wrong with having a healthy sexual appetite… In fact, I think it should be encouraged – just make sure you’re being safe about it, don’t need to be picking up herpes along with that attractive blonde you met at the bar. Being sexually adventurous would dramatically cut down on the number of midlife-crisis-induced cases of infidelity. Should have joined that gangbang when you had the chance.

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  • http://lynndaue.com Lynn Daue

    Funny–I was just musing about the first time someone called me a slut earlier today. A rumor existed that I slept with my 8th grade boyfriend on the band trip, and despite it being completely untrue–in fact, I was a virgin–the name stuck.

    Tossing around the terms “slut” and “whore” affect young women throughout their lives. It’s easy to pretend like it doesn’t hurt, to laugh it off and return a “love ya, bitch,” but it doesn’t necessarily change the effect it has on us.

  • http://www.livinginaboxx.wordpress.com Lauren

    I totally agree, it is much more about how you feel and why you’re doing it than the actually number.