are you ready to bone

Are You Ready to Bone?

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

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When is it the right time to have sex? Do you wait for a 3 month mark or hold out until marriage? Many of us are stuck in a worry limbo: if you do it too soon, he might lose respect for you. If you hold out too long, he might gravitate towards someone else. Having sex with someone new should be a fun, exciting, weight-free situation. If you find yourself wondering,”Are you ready to bone”….  read on.

First Thing’s First: Are you ready to have sex?

What you do in your relationship is your business; anyone trying to judge you can shove it. That said, you need to mute out the rest of the world and look deep within yourself and your sweet, aching lady parts. Are you ready to take it there?

How to tell if you’re ready:

The thought of shagging him gives you the vagina tingles. Note: Just shagging him, not the entire male population.
You catch yourself doing sexy dances in front of the mirror
You keep saying the words, “We should slow down.”
You’re not doing it to get over a serious relationship. Note: I say serious because sometimes, a little rebounding does the body good… but when you’re tried to mask a broken heart, it’ll only shatter it into a million more pieces.

How to tell you’re not ready:

You’re feeling guilty about holding out
You’re doing it to get over an ex
You’re doing it to keep the guy from shagging someone else
You’re doing it to make him stick around
Because it’s the obvious next step
Two Voices Count: He should get a say, they shouldn’t.

Ah. The first step toward the most vital part of a successful relationship: communication. Communication consists of many layers. Some couples need to sit down over a cup of coffee to discuss – i.e. let’s wait a month- while others give each other a wink over dinner and end up on top of each other a few hours later.

If one of you has strict rules, like waiting until the third date to bone, then the other should know about it. Like I always say: cards out where everyone can see ‘em.

Don’t just assume he wants to sleep with you right away, either. You will quickly learn that assumptions are the quickest way to the one step forward, two step back mentality. Bottom line: If you know or sense that you’re not on the same page, talk about it. If you’re ready and are too much of a coward to ask your someone new, make a move and wait to see if you get rejected. fail-proof.

And don’t ask your friends. Slutty Betty will tell you to shag after the handshake – no details needed – and Prude Sally might tell you to wait until after saying I do – no details needed.

Can We Do it Yet?

There’s no right or wrong. Imagine being handed a guidebook at the beginning of every relationship.

Matt and Ally shake hands. Time stops. Matt and Ally are both handed a book titled, “It’s Going to Last 8 Months and 2 Days”. When Matt turns to Chapter 2, he reads, “On the 11th day, her panties will drop and your penis will be welcomed into her bed.”

For some couples, sex on the first date is the right time. For others, it may be on their honeymoon. The basic rule: if you want it and he wants it, go ahead and just… do it. There are pros and cons, like everything else in life, but it’s safe to say that if you are honest with yourself and if you are ready, the right time will pop up on its own. So don’t do it to keep him from shagging blondie in the next cubicle, do it when he pushes you against the wall and your lady bits scream for him. Don’t do it because you assume you owe it to him, do it because you owe it to yourself.

And if you think holding out is the only way to get a man’s respect, you’ve got another thing coming.(But that’s a whole other article)

If you have a judgmental group of friends, keep your sex life to yourself. Easy. If your someone new wants to wait until marriage, weigh your options. If you’re hungry, eat. If you don’t want to be labeled a slut, be selective with your shags. Simplify life.

Setting a predefined wait time before you actually reach it is pointless. Every relationship experiences intimacy differently. Some are built on sexual attraction, while others thrive on intellectual gravitation. The way you feel toward one partner may differ from the way you feel towards another. You may think waiting a week works but then realize you can’t wait a full hour.

The moment you start making choices based on everyone around you is the day you wake up, look in the mirror, and hate the life you’ve built. You have to live your life, why not design it the way you like it?

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  • Suzanne Casamento

    Oh, Chiara! It’s sooo subjective! It depends on the person, and like you said, the vagina tingles and a whole lot of other factors. Unfortunately, it can be a crap shoot. Timing can be perfect. Or maybe you thought you were ready and the time and the guy were right and then he bailed. It can happen.

    I just trust my gut. Sometimes it turns out well, sometimes it doesn’t. The real challenge comes down to how you react to the result – either way.