Men and women desire to be made to feel different things while in a romantic relationship. We all want to feel loved and cared for, but there is a distinction between feeling loved, wanted, and needed. I found perspective about this in the unlikeliest of places. A friend of mine posted the following Facebook status, quoting a line from Sons of Anarchy.
“Only men need to be loved, women only need to feel wanted” – Sons of Anarchy
This actually made me stop and think; there’s truth to this statement.
Men Need to Feel Loved
I’ve been friends with more men than women in my life, and I have come to understand the male psyche very well. Beyond feeling useful and enjoying praise, men need to feel loved.
The saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach,” refers to more than just food. Feeding is an act of loving. Being fed evokes emotions that accompany feeling being cared for. Generally speaking, people can not take care of others who they don’t love in some degree. The inner boy of each man yearns to be loved and cared for. Within their significant other they search for a modified version of their mother, not just a lover and friend.
More often than not, the reason a man wants out of a relationship or ends up cheating is because he doesn’t feel the love at home. There’s something missing from his woman. While his role generally is the provider and the protector, the one thing a man needs to feel in return is that warm, fuzzy, unequivocal, unconditional love.
He needs to feel that no matter how flawed he is, you’ll love him, mind, body and soul – and want to love all over him, regardless.
If he feels too needed, you’re an obligation. If you want him too much, you’ll seem desperate. Focus on acting out of love primarily toward your man as the basis of your relationship, and everything else will fall into place.
Women Need to Feel Wanted
Ladies, we all yearn to see that look in each of our partner’s eyes – we want to feel through his gaze how much he wants us. Regardless of our life situation, size, mood, or age, we need to feel wanted. We want to feel like the only girl in the world for him, even if only in that moment.
Let’s face it, being flattered and presented with tokens of affection in the form of material luxuries is nice, but isn’t necessary. Am I right? What we want, in our very core, is to feel like our other half wants us above anyone else.
No matter how much you adore her, if you don’t make her feel like you desire her, she’ll feel that void in the relationship. Show gratitude that she chose you.
Loving, Wanting, Needing
There’s a slight variation in each of these. A strong, sound relationship is built on a foundation of an amalgamation of loving, wanting, and needing the other person. I recently learned this; before him, I had no idea what it felt like to have a healthy relationship with a man other than men in my family. Romance? Forget about it.
Like most women, my past love life was a constant cycle of disappointment and betrayal. Some of my past relationships lacked emotion completely. It takes effort from both parties, but knowing how to handle one another gives you both a broader opportunity to grow together.
Sons of Anarchy was the last place I expected to learn anything about relationships, but remember that inspiration can come from anywhere.
When was the last time you were unexpectedly inspired?