What is a good relationship

What is a Good Relationship? 30 Signs It’s Working

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

Latest posts by Chiara Mazzucco (see all)

When I was a dating blogger, I got an average of 3 to 5 emails a day from desperate lovers, or lovers to-be, asking for advice on what they considered to be a good relationship. Most of the time they were no where near a good relationship, so much so I had to write an entire book to guide them out. But really, what is a good relationship? Is it sex, candy and flowers or is it love, whisky and music? Everyone has a different definition of what a good relationship is and though I built my rep as a dating blogger based on pointing out what a good relationship isn’t, I think it’s safe to say that if you spot most of these 28 signs, you’re on the right path. At the very least, you’re not in a shit one.. But that’s all I can promise you.

30 signs you’re in a good relationship

You laugh

Laughter is a good indicator that you’re having a good time. You know when people list qualities in an ‘ideal mate’? Sense of humor is a must. Lightens things up when things get awkward, tense or just too stressful. Make sure you’re laughing.

You feel at ease

There is something to be said about the mask we wear on the first few dates with someone. At some point, however, that mask needs to come off and you need to feel comfortable at each other’s side. If you’re always on your toes or tip toeing around how you feel, reevaluate.

It makes you strive to be a better person

A good relationship has the tendency to make you want to be a better person – period. It shows you care about your partner enough to want to be the gem of a mate they deserve.

You actually become a better person

Then after a while of striving for improvement, you realize you have actually begun improving. Feels good not to be a drunken hot mess anymore, doesn’t it? Falling in love has the tendency to bring out the best in people. Remember, I’m talking about a good relationship, not a toxic-I’m-obsessed-with-you-but-I’ll-call-it-love relationship.

You only cry a couple of times a year

Listen here, anyone who tells you crying is never the answer is full of shit and most likely has party-o-one cry sessions in the shower on a daily basis. Crying is good for you – in moderation. When you’re in a good relationship, sometimes situations make you question yourself and that can be scary. And when you’re in love with someone and they hold the keys to that sappy heart of yours, it’s very likely that though they may never mean to stomp on it, they’ll occasionally trip and bang their head against it.

You can wear your old, baggy, laundry day clothes around the house

Long gone are the days that you put on your cutest, laciest and most see through panties and tank top and say, “This old thing? I walk around the house like this all the time!” A good relationship is one where you can say, “Yo. It’s laundry day. Actually, no it’s not.. I just feel bloated and really feel the need to cover my belly.”

But you still want to dress up every now and then

But a good relationship also means you’re still putting in the effort when it’s deserved. A night out means sweatpants, side ponytails and smeared eye liner from the night before are not allowed. The occasional, “Let’s go to the movies in our pajamas” is definitely an exception.

You can share friends

The whole social thing is an important thing to do together. If you’re in a good relationship, you can go out and share friends and actually have real fun doing it. It’s a great thing to see your partner socialize and interact without you holding their hand, and sharing friends gives you the comfort of enjoying yourselves, no pressure, together.

But still have your own

More important than sharing friends is having your own group of friends who know you, love you, and can completely, subjectively, give you the advice you need. They’re also there to take you out and remind you that you’re a thriving individual outside of the relationship.

You support each other

A good relationship is marked by mutual support. After the initial honeymoon phase, your lives settle and your individual lives should continue to blossom on their own. It’s important that your partner supports you and believes in you when venturing out on your own.

You’re not a bad influence and/or vice versa

You could be head over heels for each other but if one of you brings the other down – emotionally or with a change in lifestyle – then mark my words, it’s not a good relationship and it’s not going last. Don’t be the shit who corrupts someone for your own benefit. Not only do even the most solid of marriages crumble and end, leaving your now corrupted ex-partner out on the streets with a half-fucked life, but it’s just a shit thing to do.

You can go to sleep at separate times

This says, “Hey. You’re a morning person and I’m not.. but we’re still soul mates.” Couples in a good relationship can go to sleep at separate times and still wake up together, physically and metaphorically. As nice as winding down together may be for you, it may be his only quiet time of the day… give him that.

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  • http://joannerambling.wordpress.com/ Jo-Anne

    Hell all those things apply to me and hubby so we must be in a good relationship……….lol

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      You probably are, Jo-Anne! Especially if ALL the items on the list are checked off. You’re going to make a lot of readers jealous :)

  • Ashley Sapp

    Nailed it. :]

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Who, me with the list or you with the relationship? ;)

      • Ashley Sapp

        Both!

  • Jewels

    I love these signs you are in a good relationship. Looking back I have had a lot of these with past relationships and I’m even happier to realize that I have a lot of these with friends as well. A lot of these are universal to non-romantic relationships as well. I love this all in one compiled post. Great work!

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      You are so right about them being universal, Jewels! But when you think about it, a good relationship is much more than romance; It’s friendship, companionship and damn good company!

  • Renee Jean Claybion

    So true, having been in a relationship for such a long time, it’s the little things that make it last. If you don’t have these key elements then it’s hard to see any longevity. No relationship will be perfect, but sometimes it helps to remind ourselves of the simple things that hooked us in the first place.

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      So true, Nay! And shit, if anyone knows it, it’s definitely you. I think it’s just too easy to forget some of these things the longer we’re in a relationship. You suddenly forget to communicate and respect each other and then wonder when it all goes to shit! Thanks for commenting!

  • http://www.forherbyher.com/ ForHerByHer

    I’m usually weary of ways to measure how good your relationship is, but this post was excellent! I’ve heard people measure their (and others’) relationships based on how often they do this and that. But every relationship is so different.

    What you’ve written about is fundamental to happiness and comfort in a relationship (I believe you need both). Little things are more important than big things.

    Love it! :)

    • Jewels

      So true. Too many articles are “does he buy you flowers for no reasons” or “do you treat him to spontaneous back massages”. Real relationships are about the things Chiara discussed and I think that is what makes it so great….it’s not the typical trivial list you find everywhere else. Thanks for reading and loving the article.

      • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

        So true. If we were to go by ‘does he buy you flowers’, I, myself, would be in a terrible marriage. But not because he wouldn’t buy them, I just don’t like them and having to tend to them :)

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Thank you! And I’m the same when it comes to those kind of articles. I do my best to steer clear of anything that will almost give you a numerical value in gauging the success of your relationship. I think this list is a good base of qualities that no matter what your relationship is like, it’d need them to stay strong. (At least most of them) Thank you for commenting :)

  • http://just-tish.blogspot.com/ Mynx

    23 years together, 21 years married and I haven’t killed him yet, so we much be doing something right. Lots of the things you have listed right here.
    Wonderful article

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Thanks, Mynx! And yes, I’d say if you’ve gone that long without plotting a murder, you must be doing something right indeed. And congratulations on such a long marriage! (Yes, I live in NY and used to live in LA, long marriages have become much more abstract than I’d like to admit)

  • The Hook

    Chiara,
    Could you be any wiser, cuter, or more talented?
    (The question was rhetorical, of course.)
    What a great post that covered ALL the bases. i have 18 years under my belt and I can honestly say that we both try to live up to your advice every day.
    But thank you for educating others, many of whom need your advice desperately. You’ve saved more than one relationship with this post, I’d wager.
    The Hook.