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Show Me the Love

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Dani

Dani is a 30-something writer, residing in South Florida and living the Brangelina lifestyle with The Big Guy and their five kids. Dani’s (sometimes daily) struggle to balance motherhood, life and sex is chronicled on her blog, Suburbia Interrupted.

Fearing death by an all women firing squad, I waited until Valentine’s Day was over to write about how The Big Guy and I celebrate Valentine’s Day. I can tell you that I hate Valentine’s Day with a passion but can fully understand why women everywhere love it. It pisses me off that so many women have a love affair with this one day in February, all because men are clueless. That’s right, men are responsible for this.

 Are any of us shocked by this?

Hidden on a higher shelf in my closet sits a large red shoebox, containing an array of items ranging from a wireless, remote controlled mini bullet to CVS brand Valentine’s themed, plastic handcuffs to a pink journal, containing cards, letters, pictures, journal entries. Since the beginning of our relationship, I have always given The Big Guy random I love you cards, written him random I love you letters and written journal entries about some of the little, random things we have done…you know, the kind of things that are small gestures of love or happiness or laughter, the ones that you may forget about after awhile. The journal holds cards The Big Guy has given me and combined with all the other pictures and notes, the journal holds the story of us. The journal and the large red box are both full to capacity. A new journal and larger box are needed.

Since the beginning of our relationship, each of us has made it a point to treat everyday like it may be your last. We laugh every single day, sometimes until our sides hurt. We say I love you. We kiss, we hug, we cuddle, we buy random cards for each other, I cook him prime rib dinners just because. Since the beginning of our relationship, we have made it a point to show each other love, each and every day. Since the beginning of our relationship, we have made it a priority that each day better than the last, that each and every day is Valentine’s Day.

Now, I am in no way saying that we are that ridiculously gross couple who are overly affectionate, saying I love you to each other every five seconds. We are far from it. What I can say is that we are that couple who are best friends, who can laugh, hold hands, and truly love each other. We are that couple who appreciate the small stuff in life. When The Big Guy surprises me with a candy bar, I am as happy and giddy as I am when he brings me home jewelry. When I surprise him with Flaming Hot peanuts, I am guaranteed an orgasm. When I buy him something expensive, I am guaranteed the same orgasm intensity as the flaming hot peanuts gave me. The point being, we don’t let the hype of one day or one holiday dictate our relationship. Instead, each day, each gift, each act of kindness contributes itself to the love we have toward one another.

And this is where I become super pissed off at the men. I am not dumb. I have been around the block a few times. Men are totally clueless to the concept of showing appreciation and love to their partner. Most men don’t just surprise you with a .89 candy bar. They don’t just buy you a card because. Why not? I don’t know. If men really thought about it, the odds of their sex life dramatically becoming more active would greatly increase. The likelihood of getting a blow job on a day other than their birthday or holiday would greatly increase. The overall emotional state of their partner would dramatically change…for the better.

Seriously guys, why have you all not thought of any of this sooner?  We all know guys hate Valentine’s Day maybe as much as I do. The pressure to buy the perfect card and gift would be gone, the sucky sucky would be happening and new positions could be tried. It is a win-win situation and most of the penis bearing population is flunking. The irony of it all is crazy. If you have a penis, you think about it all the time. If you have a penis, you think about sex all the time. If you have a penis, you are wondering why the hell your girlfriend or wife is refusing to suck it. News flash, if you have a penis, you are cock blocking yourself by failing to do something, anything, once a day to show your partner that you love them.

Before I met The Big Guy, I was not a giver of the blow jobs. Zilch, nada, nothing, these lips weren’t made for sucking. After I met The Big Guy, well, let’s just say he gets the BJs a lot more than a few days a year and there is a major reason why: he loves me, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the crazy. By constantly showing me gestures of love, I am comfortable, open and extremely trustworthy of him. Relationships are built around trust, friendship and love. You wait until a day in February to show it, you aren’t helping to strengthen your relationship. Relationships need a strong foundation, without it, the structure crumbles.

Love is complicated…if you don’t show it…feel it…cherish it. Sometimes it’s the small things that matter, that gather up over time, which help build the foundation and strengthen the relationship…

Our Valentine’s Day was spent like any other day: basketball practice, followed by baseball practice, the rushing of showers to get little kids in bed on time, helping 7th graders with math homework, and finally, sitting down to relax on the couch around 9:30PM. We went to bed, where The Big Guy found a surprise: Limited Edition, Mega Stuffed Oreo’s. He ate a few, giving me the tops because it’s the only part of an Oreo I like, we made love and we fell asleep in each others arms, as we do each and every night.

“Love is dangerous, if you know it’s dangerous, that makes you treasure it, and you’ll work harder to keep it.”

-Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City

For more from Dani about life, love, and sex after kids check out our special print edition

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  • http://www.habitsofthinking.wordpress.com Rene

    You are so right! Relationships aren’t about the BIG gestures. They’re about the things that sustain it. When my fiance and do little things for each other we feel the “real” love. If the relationship is all about the big stuff, there will be a lot of miserable moments in between.

    • http://suburbiainterrupted.com Dani

      Exactly! This is a time when the small stuff matters :)

  • http://chaosandwords.wordpress.com/ Ashley

    Gah, you are so speaking my language, Dani! I avoid Valentine’s Day at all costs. We don’t celebrate it and treat it like any other day – which is very much like what you described above. We choose to celebrate all the little things in our relationship instead throughout the year. Just this morning, I woke up to the smell of coffee and breakfast waiting for me. This wasn’t some big gesture that he was doing because he felt he had to. Thanks for writing this! Relationships don’t thrive off the big gestures but instead the day-to-day stuff.

    • http://suburbiainterrupted.com Dani

      I saw your tweet this morning and knew you would love this :)

  • http://www.momaical.com Tracy

    My husband is about as romantic as road kill. That being said – he knows how to pull me out of a slump, laugh in the face of stress, and ignores my ridiculous freak outs. When he brings me home a piece of chocolate I just about keel over and die from shock. BUT I knew this about him from the first date. Therefore I have learned that really laughter is better than a bouquet of flowers any day of the week. And, if I REALLY have my eye on something (Like my ridiculous Valentino red bow peep toe heels) I just buy them and do him like a rock star. Win/Win…

    • http://suburbiainterrupted.com Dani

      Totally agree with you Tracy…laughter is way better than flowers and buying those hot, sexy shoes just because is worth it ;)

  • Renee

    What a great article, and your totally right!! I’ve been in a relationship for 9 years now and we never celebrate Valentine’s Day. Love is an everyday occurrence and it’s always the little things that count. Especially towards BJ’S!!

    • http://suburbiainterrupted.com Dani

      …especially towards the blow jobs! :)

  • Courtney Renfro

    I love this article. I agree with you 100 percent. I hate valentine’s day too. Guys should more affection to their girlfriends. It would make them happy. The girlfriend will want to do other things to show their appreciation such as more sex or blow jobs. Guys do not understand women. If you treat us right, you get more benefits. If I am happy, than he is happy. Women want affection. Guys should show their love year around. Men are clueless, it’s sad.
    Great Article! Dani

    • http://suburbiainterrupted.com Dani

      Amen! Men are clueless and a lot of other synonyms haha. Thanks for reading :)

  • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

    Love everything about this. I wrote an anti v day piece that started off with my dad explaining why he doesn’t get my mom a gift on vday… And why it’s usually the next day she gets surprised with flowers. Showing love and affection, and celebrating all things that make you unique as a couple needs to be done every other day of the year.

    • http://suburbiainterrupted.com Dani

      You have an awesome Dad! Thanks for reading Chiara :)

  • http://www.accordingtojewels.com Jewels

    Love this! I’m single now but when I was in relationships I never made a big deal out of Valentine’s Day. I am a big fan of showing you care in little ways everyday and not just one grand gesture once a day. So glad the brilliant women of IC all agree.