Latest posts by Chiara Mazzucco (see all)
- The Drunk Dial - July 25, 2014
- When No One Believes in You - July 24, 2014
- I Haven’t Showered (and Other Problems of the Overly-Ambitious) - July 21, 2014
Life has a funny way of throwing a shit storm your way the moment you think you’ve struck gold. You meet someone who kick flips your life upside down, someone who seems absolutely perfect: attractive, intelligent, like-minded and romantic. Then, the bomb drops. He lives across the country or he’s about to move across the country or, better yet, he’s doesn’t even live IN the country. What’s your next move? Do you dive into a long distance relationship, or do you let what seems like a one chance in a lifetime opportunity pass you by?
Love Should Conquer All
Meeting someone you connect with on so many levels is so rare that your first thought is: It HAS to work – it just HAS to. The nights you spent under the stars connecting had to count for something, right? We’ve been trained to think ‘love’ – or what we believe to be love- will conquer any obstacles put before us.
It’s an illusion, a false sense of security, introduced to us via rom coms and old fairytales. And we have no problem absolutely accepting it.
This is why you’ll often go into battle without checking all of your ammo first. You don’t go through a checklist to see whether or not your relationship is even a candidate with the power to survive 3,000 miles between you. You’ll dream of long talks on the phone and romantic embraces at the airport. You’ll have no idea how utterly insane the distance will drive you and how much of a psychopath it’ll probably turn you into.
But true love conquers! And our love is TRUE.
Unfortunately, your love life is not a never ending rom com. Sorry to be the one to break it to you.
Why MOST Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work
Guys are visual creatures that need sex. Women are emotional creatures that need romance. Or the other way around… whatever, that’s a whole other article. Sure, Skype dates can extend the life of a long distance relationship, but not by much longer. And guys can send flowers, and order other surprises to be left at her doorstep, but she’ll eventually need real cuddles. There don’t have to be outside factors of temptation, it can simply be the lack of everything else necessary to make a relationship work. Relationships are already complicated, without the added hurdle.
There is, of course, the potential for temptation, too. As your lives grow into individual creatures, you’re bound to encounter people who intrigue you. When you’re in a same-location relationship, most people are able to shrug it off and go home to their partners. In a long distance relationship, they go home to their vibrator, hand, and a whole lot of imagination.
Phone sex Skype Sex can only do so much.
Another fun thing that happens in these types of relationships is the unexpected emergence of jealousy. You don’t have to be a psycho to let jealousy get the best of you. At first, you’ll be jealous he’s going out when you’re choosing to stay in. Then, it’ll mutate into Who, exactly, are you going out with? Eventually you’ll just start assuming he’s banging randoms every night just because.
Are you prepared to meet the really ugly, crazy version of yourself?
So, Is a Long Distance Relationship Right for You?
Is every long distance relationship is doomed to fail? No. I’m saying most are. Your partner may even be one of the few who is able to stay loyal, but that doesn’t mean you are. One of you might get possessive. One of you might lose interest. One of you might need to live life alone for a little bit and the distance might be just the thing to bring that desire to life. You never know what could happen. It’s all the crap that can happen during a regular relationship, just heightened in intensity and probability.
Consider diving into one at your own discretion. If you started the relationship in the same city and one of you had to move for work, for example, there’s a chance it might work. Why? Because you might have had time to build a strong enough foundation. If you met in Vegas, shagged and fell ‘in love’, it probably isn’t going to work.
Also, if you’re able to see each other frequently, there’s a chance it might work. The longer you’re apart, the harder it is to fall into routine again. I know you may think things could never be weird between you, but you’re wrong.
In order for it to work, you need to have exceptional communication skills in the relationship. Without them, you’re looking at a lot of late nights spent over analyzing – full of nightmares. He’s sleeping with his roommate’s mother, isn’t he?!
Think hard before diving in. Life is supposed to be lived; actually experienced, and not through a phone line. You’re supposed to have sex, get ready for dates, physically argue, and physically make up. If you’re dead set on giving it a shot, be prepared to not have someone to cuddle you in the middle of the night when you need it most – phone cuddles don’t have the same effect.
The problem with a long distance relationship is that you tend to invest more than you would in a regular one because you put it to such high standards: It’s strong enough to survive the distance. The more you invest, the harder the fall. And being apart from one another increases the chances of a sudden, brutal, crash landing.