how to get your boyfriend to chase you

How to Get Your Boyfriend to Chase You Again

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

Latest posts by Chiara Mazzucco (see all)

A reader emailed me asking my thoughts on an article she had found online on getting your man to chase you again. I told her never to read anything like that again. There is so much SHIT on the internet telling you what you want to hear - to get you to buy the product – that in reality is setting you up for utter disaster. Let’s tackle this topic appropriately, shall we? Here’s how to get your boyfriend to chase you again.

The Shit You’re Being Told

You’re in the dumps because your man doesn’t leave roses on your doorstep anymore, the trance he used to fall into every time he looked at you over dinner is long gone, and his body no longer quivers in anticipation when you undress. The truth is, he’s fallen victim to the comforts of routine; now that he has you, he doesn’t have to work for you anymore. So you feel like a beaten up old rag as you watch him gawk at the unattainable blonde across the room. You look online for support and you find the following: He’s gotten lazy because you’ve let him. If you don’t keep him on his toes, he’s going to feed into his evolutionary instinct and go hunt somewhere else. You can TRAIN him! Set some ground rules early in the game. It’s time to transform yourself into the person you KNOW he’ll chase for the rest of his life! The following list of tips was taken directly for the article sent to me (sourced in the above link)

  • Keep him out of his comfort zone by making rules early on, even if he doesn’t like them
  • Make sure he realizes just how desirable you are to others
  • Never become lazy yourself
  • Don’t be at his beck and call
  • Ensure you retain your friends, interests, vacations and activities to a degree
  • Never allow him to think you are reliant on him
  • Keep some of your finances separate
  • Don’t always return his phone calls
  • Don’t allow him to know what you are thinking all the time
  • Socialize without him occasionally
  • All domestic duties are shared, no excuses
  • Threaten to dump him occasionally
  • Use all your womanly powers that you employ so well in the early stages of dating
  • Change your mind about things occasionally and keep him guessing
  • Ensure you retain male friends you had before
  • Find his weak spots and use them when need be
  • Do not run around after him
  • Get him to do the laundry
  • Go on vacation with your friends

For fuck’s sake. Are you kidding me? Make rules, even if he doesn’t like them? Find his weak spots and use them when need be? Threaten to dump him occasionally? It’s like a list of really bad rules to a game. Here’s the thing: this kind of shit will sound SO appealing to you in a time of desperation. You’ll find it right when you feel your relationship is slipping through your fingers and you’ll ignore every bit of common sense pointing you in the opposite direction. You will cave, and you will become a slave to a superficial 12 step program. If you think relationships are as simple as ‘get him to do the laundry’ you aren’t worthy of even being on my website. Sign off and good luck.

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  • http://myfittblog.com Veronica

    I swear, Chiara, I fell in love with your and your gorgeous perspective with every piece I read from you. THIS kind of advice is the kind women should be following. Not that outdated, petty bullshit for women who weren’t taught better. Bravo, sister! Tell ‘em!

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Thanks, Roni

  • strawberryp

    THANK YOU for posting this article. I’m sure I’ve read the article you mention a hundred times over, every time thinking, “seriously?”. It’s so difficult to accept that there are girls who will actually treat guys this way and think that leads to a happy, long-term, committed relationship (because that’s what they’re going for, right?). The one thing my boyfriend always says to me is that he loves that I’m motivated and passionate, which is what I WANT him to like about me! I don’t want him to feel obligated to love me because I guilt or trick him into it, I’ll save that for marriage ;)
    sidenote: KUDOS on the “real men are the only ones worth being with” plug. HELL YEAH!

  • Karen

    So I have a boyfriend.. we have been together for three years. He’s changed a lot. No matter how much I tell him, he’s not the same, and so on.. It makes no difference. Not sure what to do.. I’m always the one who wants to see him most, if he has a better offer, he’ll put it before me.. He’s quit trying, that’s the truth. He tries but not much, it hurts, not sure what to do. His excuse is his job, seems like making money is now his number one priority.. :(

    • http://Theindiechicks.com Brittany

      Karen
      That is exactly what is happening to me! But the difference is that I am still in high school. But really, I love my boyfriend with everything I’ve got right now. And it used to feel like he does too! But yesterday it was different. We went to a basketball game at our school. He wanted to sit in the student section, but I hate the student section. I usually sit on the other side of the gym. He came over and sat by me for a little bit. And when I asked him if he wanted to sit by my the rest if the game, he said no. He said the student section is fun. He continued to give me reasons on why he didn’t want to sit by me. It hurt. Really bad! I eventually just told him to go. So he did, without hesitation. It wasn’t always this way though! Idk what happened.

    • Moonlite

      High school is different in a lot of cases. in high school your maturity level isn’t as high as it would as someone who is maybe say in their early twenties late thirties. I know how you feel Karen me n my boyfriend have been together since I started college and lately he always saying im tired from work he comes home he sleeps eat n sleeps. I give him crap about working so much but applaud your man. because if he working hard hes trying to do that for you. If u realize he working to hard cook him diner and draw a bath and lite some candles works every time. As for you Brittany as a girl who is about to graduate college, Don’t lament to hard there is plenty of real men in college. Don’t expect your high school boyfriend to not participate in the school activities have fun while y’all can becuz shit gets real after senior year trust and believe me.

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      So much can change in 3 years, Karen. How are things now? Are you still together? Sometimes it’s best to let things go. You’ll feel so much relief from not having to constantly try all of the time.

  • Pooky

    But what if all these bad things happened while you are in a long distance relationship marriage? You can’t just ignore him and make him wants you when you are not even there physically.

    Please help!!!

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Pooky, long distance relationships are hard in it of themselves! I know this comment is late (I missed responding to these comments, for some reason). But how are things going now?

  • http://capturehisheartreview.net Jen

    You can’t nag a guy to be your bf. I use to be needy then I learned the hard way

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      I think most of us learned the hard way, Jen! I know I did.

      • Kkfyh

        I’m with an amazing guy who has admitted that he doesn’t try as hard anymore to romance me but he still makes some effort. I’m not proud of it but I’ve vocalized the fact that u feel taken for granted and that I don’t get why some girls get romance while I have to plead and beg for it. I don’t want to nag him or be overly emotional but I feel neglected. What should I do?

  • WeezaFish

    I didn’t think I could love you more Chiara but … it is possible! I sit here, as always, feeling like my mind’s just been refreshed with a new perspective and I LOVE it. As will Hubs in this respect, because he’ll surely benefit. SO glad you dissed ‘Train your man’ advice too. As you rightly point out, who wants to be with a man who can be trained FFS? P.S. I’ve been offline for frikkin aaaaages, but I do have some posts up my sleeve for you *grins hopefully*

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Where have you disappeared off to, Weeza?! We miss you terribly here at The IC! How is everything!?

      • WeezaFish

        We’re so well, how are you doing? Me and my love of remote farm houses, we’re going to have to have an antennae erected in the yard to get signal or something :) Missing all you girls too it’s been too long xx

  • Terri

    I feel like a moron posting on here about my “love issues” like im a 12 year old girl, but im seriously stumped about what to do with my partner, I love him more than anything, and im always there to listen and support him no matter what, (hes going through a custody battle with a rather nasty ex) but when it comes to my needs it just seems he isn’t interested… he has the shortest temper and is very dominant… I haven’t left him because he can be a truly amazing person and he says he loves me every day, it just seems words mean nothing if he isn’t there to back them up… he forgets about promises and makes plans that never happen, he gets angry over small things, he ignores my needs, and hes only there when its convenient to him… he used to call me every day just to see how my day was and now he doesn’t even like me calling because he hates talking on the phone apparently… understandable, but im just so used to the person he was, and the expectations I have of him that this “new” version is a slap in the face… as I said, I love him and I want to make it work but I just don’t know how to go about it anymore… he just doesn’t want to talk but he doesn’t want this relationship over either… ARGHHH I’M SO FUCKING FRISTRATED!

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      “Because he CAN truly be an amazing person and he SAYS he loves me everyday” – I think that’s enough to say, hey, red flag. You’re frustrated because a lot of this has nothing to do with you.

      It seems to me like he has a lot going on.

      But that’s still just an excuse.
      Because the truth is, if he really wanted it to work, he’d do anything to keep it alive, no matter what, even if it meant saying, “Listen. I know everything else is taking me far from us right now but I’m still in this, I love you, and I need you to be patient with me while I go through this.” That alone would switch the sitch.

      How are things going now, Terri?

      • Terri W

        I completely forgot about this forum lol…things were going better… then things got a little more difficult in his life again and I feel like im the punching bag again… he doesn’t cope with difficulties very well and I feel like im the one being strong for him, when I need him to be strong for me… and youre completely right, if he wanted this he would make MORE of an effort, I know this deep down I really do. ive been hurt before so I know the red flags pretty well, but he is just soooooooo different from the normal person I just cant read him as well as id like. the truth is, as I said I do love him and I want it to work and I know its never going to change, and IF I want change then the only option is walking away, but I haven’t because my head and heart thinks it will work and I’m so stubborn, I CANT give up so easily… so that’s my fault and I have to deal with it and people are going to think im stupid… it will either go great, or it will blow up in my face in which case many people will say I told you so. In the long run, no matter which way it goes, I wont regret the time with him because I love him. at the moment I just want my heart to butt out and let my head do the rational thinking and make the right choice. thanks for your reply Chiara, it does make a difference to have an outside opinion, I feel a little more sane now. x

        • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

          I think the important thing is to be aware of what is going on – so long as you prepare for battle, screw anyone who calls you stupid. Listen, you’re not the first to fight for love but there is definitely a difference between that and being delusional. As long as you’re aware of how bad things are and how much you’re gunnin to get hurt, then you’re a big girl who can make her own decisions!

          My outside opinion is always here. Feel free to reach out to it whenever you need it! :) I’m not going anywhere.

          • Terri W

            So I just ended it, in the easiest way possible, we just had a huge argument about facebook… like are you serious?!?! long story short (major red flags in here, I know) he hates me having facebook, although im almost positive he has it. so I de-activated it to save argument, I can text my friends right? -.-… anyway, he logs in to check up whenever he feels like to “make sure” I don’t know his passwords, and I try to explain that its wrong, how would he like it if I did it and its an invasion of privacy, I have nothing to hide but don’t be sneaky about “snooping through my crap” just ask. then he accuses me of cheating blah blah this is how the argument goes every time. I have never cheated on that man nor would I ever, not my idea of a relationship. ANYWAY, we had the same argument this afternoon, his temper got the better of him and I just lost it… like a lightbulb sorta came on. I explained to him why this relationship isn’t working anymore, the way ive been feeling and that my needs aren’t being met… I tried fighting for us, I tried being there but how much can one person deal with… It hasn’t sunk in that its over, and I don’t WANT it to be over but I don’t see any other option. I don’t want him to change himself as a person, I just wanted a little more appreciation and to be shown that I am loved and to be respected… So there’s the update… weirdly yet I feel reallllyyyy bad for dumping this shit on you, your a stranger yet I don’t feel like I can discuss this with anyone else… :/ you must get drained from hearing everyones issues eh? lol thank-you for taking the time to reply.

  • Lilly

    Where was this article when I needed a slap in the face for losing my head when I met my perfect guy? Thanks in advance for the next time I meet Mr.OMG-is-he-real?! <3

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Exactly! Now you have it under your belt :)

  • Am Happy

    My Name is Margaret Queen am from the United State of America am here to share this wonderful testimony to everybody what Dr Ikuku has done for me and my family after 3 years in marriage my husband that i have spent most of my life with decided that he needed a divorce just because we had a little issue he then decided that he his tired of me and that we should part ways i was so sad when he told me this because he was the first man i ever meant in my life i loved and cherish him so much the next day was a letter from the lawyer that my husband his asking for a divorce and i need to be in court on the 23 of August when i got this letter i was shocked and crying my kids where wondering why i was crying then i left the house and when i got to a close friend of mine house i told her what was happening and she told me to clean my tears that there is a man who is going to help me i was so happy because i needed this help so we both contacted Dr ikuku and told him the situation he told me not to worry that he assures me that within 24 hours that the divorce would be canceled i was so happy believe when the 24 hours was completed i got a call from the lawyer that my husband his asking him to cancel the divorce i was so happy my husband called me and apologize to me and told the lawyer to will all his property to me and make me have access to everything he owns am just so happy and i will tell the whole world what Dr ikuku has done for me and you can contact him on ikukutempleofsolution@gmail.com or cell number +2348034458597 his web site:

    ikukutempleofsolutiongmailcom.weebly.com

  • Anonymous

    I am really happy that dr.marnish reunited i and my lover back. dr.marnish@yahoo.com is a rare spell caster to find and I’m glad that I met him on time to help me bring back my lover. I’ll be forever thankful.” if you need his help too you can call him +15036626930 dr.marnish based in united state, Rebecca Wayne

  • Patrick

    My Wife left me since last year after we both have one kid we where happily married on till something dramatic took place because we had a little misunderstanding she left me all this while i have not been my self i love her so very much and for once i can never thought of forgetting the love we both shared,i was browsing seeking advice on marriage counseling and advice that i was opportune to see some ones comment of how Priest Ajigar did a love spell on her husband that brought him back i decided to contact him and explain my situation’s to him which he helped me last week was the day i did the love spell on her and after two days she came back to me what a powerful spell caster he is i am so happy that she is back to me once more again and i am also using this medium to advice that if your marriage is broken and you need help just contact Priest Ajigar on email:priestajigarspells @ live.com

  • Ms M.

    My boyfriend of 3 years started getting lazy like this. Hinting or complaining at times didn’t work, one time he actually said “yeah but back then I was trying to get you and now I’ve got you”. Ugh, not for long with that attitude buddy.
    Eventually I sat down and wrote him a letter explaining what had changed and how that made me feel. Including that I wasn’t sure I was now being taken for granted or whether I fell in love with the person he was pretending to be while trying to “get” me
    I give him a we. Of no contact to think it over an come u with a response. We sat down and talked it over for three hours and came out a lot stronger. Sometimes he’ll still need a nudge and a reminder but for the most part it is so much better now.

  • http://inspiremecafe.com/ Amanda Rivera

    I’m not really a fan of the relationship advice out there that convinces you of “being manipulative”, “playing games”, or “following a set of rules/tips” to keep a relationship. It ends up being more exhausting than its worth and the guy falls for an inauthentic version of yourself. Relationships are more than just chasing each other and getting the other person to be “obsessed with you.”

    There are some guys (and women) out there who life off of playing cat and mouse. But there are plenty of men and women out there that want something stable and are concious enough to work at the relationship with you.

    Thank you for writing this post, it needed to be pointed out. Just wish we could have heard more of your opinion and how you would handle the situation, personally.

  • Henry Nancy

    my boyfriend of two years let me for another girl because i accuse him of seen another girl and since then i have been trying to get him but he refuse to come back to me,he was not responding to my call or email and he even unfriend me in facebook and he told me that he is done with me.i was searching on the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and i explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me and guarantee me of 2days that my ex will come back to me and to my greatest surprise the third day a great miracle fell on me and my ex come back to me on the two days and he beg me for forgivenes, i will continue to publish his name because he is my Savior and we are about to get married.if you need him to help you Email ogalalovespell@gmail.com

  • Skylar Torres

    Dr. Dele is truly gifted and special. I consider him a friend because he looks out for my best interest and tells truth even though it may hurt. He gives the most amazing advice and told me things in a reading that somehow he just knew that only I and the person I love would only know. He is honest, direct and kind. He is accurate with his readings. I have had a passion spell performed for me and because of him the man that I love continually wants to see me and spend time with me. Thank you Dr. Dele and the Spirits, because of you I have a clearer understanding of my situation and how to move forward with my best interest in mind.

    Contact Dr. Dele if you really want get the best of love on dr.delespiritualtemple@gmail.com

    Skylar Torres, USA

  • The Hook

    Chiara,
    You, my talented, wise and lovely friend, are THE MAN!
    That is all.

  • gell

    Hello every body,I just want to let you all know that having a broken heart is not an easy thing, but no matter how bad your situation may be, I want to let you all know that there is a way to get your ex chasing you around again,wanting to be with you, because this is exactly what I did when my boyfriend left me for someone else and I am happy today cause he is back. winexbackspell@gmail.com was were I got the chance to get my boyfriend back and I will also want you all to give it a try. I am so pleased with this help.

  • Lauryn

    What are you teaching girls here ? Wtf ?!

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Did you read it?

      • Chrystal Rose

        I’m guessing no…

        • Holly

          Wow all im seeing is ” here is my testimon”
          If you have to cast a spell to get a man to love you well its not actually love and um ehat happens if another woman has a spell cast on the same man which one works??? What toyal BS oh and notice the bad english they are probably middle eastern tryin to scam money for terroris activities

          • http://theindiechicks.com/ Julie Zantopoulos

            Holly, unfortunately, even though this article is freaking amazing, it has become a hot spot for these SPAM comments about love spells. Believe me, we do not condone love spells and this type of scam comment spamming. We do our best to clean it up…but those buggers post a lot! ;) Thanks for reading!!

  • DENIE

    HELLO I just wanted to say thank you so much for doing this for me and many others. At the beginning of the break up I felt like I would never love again and that my life has ended. Thanks to all your advice, I now have the courage to face every new day. My heart has healed tremendously and I feel like I can now really move on. If it wasn’t for your words then I would probably still be in that dark place of my life. Thank you, thank you!”drlawrencespelltemple@hotmail. com

  • Ashley McDonald

    Oooh, I really like the first point. Making rules is so assertive and badass.

  • Jessy

    Is this for real? Is it not dangerous to get people to do love spells? I’m really unhappy in my relationship I’m desperate to make it work but I’m scared to contact who you are recommending.

  • Tammie

    Thanks to dr oshoum, i am very greatful to him for bringing my Man back after two years of broken marriage because of pregnancy problem. I temmie love my man and he is my source of finance. we love to have kids and his dad want to see him bear kids before he can will his property to him but i could not bear him a child dew to miss_carried then he decide to live me for another another lady. i search every where him and i could not find, i read different book on broken marriage just to encourage my self, i visit different site then a friend on face book( nora warland) direct me to Dr oshogum with his email address OSHOGUMSPELLTEMPLE@LIVE.COM, than i countact him and tell him my problem and i did what he ask me to do after two day my handsband called me and ask of my location. To the glory of Dr. oshogum my Husband is back my life and the lady she married did not also bear him a child all for the help of Dr. oshogum. now i have a baby boy for him and still expecting another child by july.
    for any marriage or relationship problem contact oshogum now with oshogumspelltemple@live.com
    contact oshogum now with oshogumspelltemple@live.com

  • Lilly

    So I am dating a guy two years younger than me at first it wasn’t a problem we wouldn’t even discuss the age difference . All of a sudden he is always bringing up how he is too young And he wants to do this and that with the boys . I don’t mind at all as long as it’s clean fun , but I am no longer a priority we go to the gym together during the week . He says that counts as spending time together and he never wants to take me out anymore he wants to spend his whole weekend with the guys . An every time I bring this up to him he says I am fussing . We have been together for a year now and he still won’t take me home saying he isn’t ready . I really love him but something has to give p.s I am 23 his 21

  • Scott Bela

    I have to keep you updated because I’m simply AMAZED at the results of this spell you performed for me. Everything is going so well and EXACTLY how you said it would be. Even though it took 5 months to fully progress, it was so worth it because things are just about at perfection! How you took my situation and completely turned it around to give me exactly what I wanted is beyond me, but something I will never question and just be completely grateful for coming across you. Bless you for helping so many people get what their heart desires. You truly gifted!! . you can also contact him for help as well (arigbospelltemple@gmail.com)…

  • meliny

    I m TASHA from U.S.A,My ex lover now [husband] is back and we are happily married with kids and i m here to gave thanks and appreciation to Dr IRABOR the spell caster of iraborspelltemple@gmail.com for all the time He stood by me,for all the truth He make me see,for all the happiness He brought into my life,for all the wrongs He make right,for every of my dreams He make come through and for the help i found in Him,i am grateful and thankful unto Him,He was the one that helped me all,He never let me fall,He was the one that saw me through it all,He was my source of strength when i was weak,He was my voice when i couldn`t speak,He was my eyes when i couldn`t see,{spiritualy}He saw the pain wasn`t good for me,He lifted me were i couldn`t reach,i m everything i m today because He helped me,i m so happy my husband is back in my life at last,His email is iraborspelltemple@gmail.com,A temple were sorrows are dropped and happiness is gain in return.