relationship myths

7 Relationship Myths: DEBUNKED

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

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We learned from my book that romantic comedies play a huge role in what we perceive relationships should resemble. We start a list of qualities that we assume compose the ‘ideal relationship’, we try to follow each one, and shake in fear if any come crumbling down. Oh no, we don’t spoon anymore! Here are just seven common relationship myths that need to be debunked.

Relationship Myths

1. You have to cuddle

Uh, no, you don’t. The secret to a successful relationship is a good night’s rest, and if that means one of you being spread eagle on the mattress while the other snores on the couch, then so be it. When you first start to date, it’s okay to miss a few nights of sleep because you’re usually riding the high of a new relationship. We’ll sleep when we’re dead! LOVE! Once you’ve been in the relationship long enough, it becomes more like, We’ll die if we don’t sleep! Give me the fucking blanket, hog! No one is peeking into your bedroom and judging your relationship based on the proximity of your bodies, spooning isn’t required, and you definitely don’t have to defend yourself to anyone on the subject, either.

2. You have to hang out when you live together

You absolutely do not have to hang out when you live together. Did you go on dates every time you had your period because you felt you ‘owed it’ to the relationship?  Living together does not mean forcing together time. In fact, I’d even recommend taking the time apart while you’re both home. Let’s be honest here, some days are shitty days and the last thing you want to do is be forced to watch a shitty movie while your love-bug punches you in the face with questions about your day. Living together is supposed to be the merging of two lives; both lives are supposed to remain in tact. There will be times that you’ll be in the mood to read a good book, or take an hour long bath listening to NSYNC – let it happen. Don’t feel guilty about it, either. The night you want to stay in, cuddle, and watch a bad movie it’ll be something to look forward to.

3. Constant PDA

It’s easy to believe your relationship is defined by the amount of hand holding and other public displays of affection. While many couples go on enjoying the public slobber their entire relationship, other couples come face to face with the reality of the end of the honeymoon phase.  But just because the honeymoon phase is ending, doesn’t mean your relationship is.  You don’t always have to walk hand in hand, you don’t always have to pull to the side for a movie-like make out session, and you don’t always have to sit next to each other in groups of people; you relationship can survive without the constant PDA.

4. You can’t be comfortable AND mysterious

The longer you’re with someone, the easier it is for them to see those things you worked so hard to hide when you began to date. That’s a given. You’ll inevitably have a bad night of drinking or a bad reaction to a bean burrito – it happens. The comfort vs. mystery issue comes into play when you start having fart battles with your partner every Tuesday afternoon. But guess what? An in between does exist!

Oh no! My tummy hurts. That burrito did not like me! I’m just going to keep going into the next room, don’t mind me!

That way, you’re more comfortable than you were when you started dating (when you’d just call it a night early) but you’re still retaining some mystery and not ripping farts like a 40 year old man.

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  • WeezaFish

    Gee Chiara I love you! An intelligent and thoughtful voice that quietly rings out loud and clear through all the nonsense. I read this one to Hubby, we’re celebrating our 6th anniversary tomorrow and we both agree with all of the above. Hubs says I must “let me know when she writes the sex one” :-)

    • Chiara

      Ooh, Weeza.. That’s a brilliant idea! (Though Roni has easily taken over as the resident sex expert here on The Indie Chicks! haha) Glad you liked this post and I hope you had a magnificent anniversary!

  • Ashley

    This is perfect. Though I’m still considered a newlywed, I’ve been in the same relationship for over 6 years now – and it is not always cuddles and PDA, bunnies and butterflies, for sure. We’ve learned to bend and weave, merging our lives together, learning more about each other as we do so. However, he would not dare fart on me, or I’d kill him, haha! I’ve always had trouble with the “never go to bed angry” one – this is where my husband and I differ. He needs a moment to breathe, whereas I’m someone who wants to talk things out right away. We’ve learned this about each other, though, and have come to find a happy middle ground. I think your point on having separate lives and ways to escape is spot on. It’s important for a relationship to have communication and certainly closeness, but that doesn’t mean your entire life outside of the relationship must disappear. Thanks for sharing!