Latest posts by Chrystal Rose (see all)
- Reconnecting with Girlfriends - October 21, 2014
- Trim the Fat From Your Mind, and the Pounds Will Follow - October 14, 2014
- 7 Reasons Why You’re Not Actually a Nice Guy - October 7, 2014
Maybe you’ve been together awhile and it’s starting to feel like you’re just best buds, or roommates. Maybe you’re fighting all the time and you don’t know why. Maybe you know he loves you, but you can tell he’s just not in love with you.
That’s a realization that hurts, but the sooner you realize there’s a problem, the sooner you can fix it.
We all know relationships take work in order to, well, work. And despite what many people think, they aren’t linear. A relationship has many ups and downs, successes and failures. While some people’s relationships may appear perfect, they simply just appear that way. When two people love each other, there are many obstacles to overcome, both internal to the relationship and external.
Whether you’re at the height of an obstacle or just coasting through a lull, I’m going to give you some tips to make him fall in love with you all over again.
Like it or not, women control the actions and reactions that occur in a relationship. As much as we wish men would be proactive—they just aren’t wired that way. This is why we nag. We nag because we want them to do something on their own, rather than us having to tell them to. They might improve, they might have sporadic moments of proactive chore participation, but all in all they just aren’t that way.
The same goes for things they do that you don’t like. As annoying, frustrating and infuriating as it can be, their actions are generally a reaction to you.
This may confuse you or even piss you off because you can’t see how, but essentially we are the barometers. We are the measurement of “pressure” in a relationship.
Think about it. You know those days where you are snippy because you’re pissed, whether it’s at him or someone else- how does he respond? And when you’re having a great day and feel happy- how does he respond to that? Normally, your mood will affect his, either negatively or positively.
All I’m asking here is that you look at yourself first. Do a check on yourself, assess whether your moods have been negative, if you’ve shown him frustration or if you’ve given him shit for things. Focus on becoming more positive in all aspects of your life and he’ll respond similarly.
A relationship feels straight up shitty if you’re fighting all the time. I used to actively engage in fights. I’d cry, scream, be overdramatic, egg him on, be sarcastic, completely shut down—whatever it took. I ran the gamut with war tactics and to me that’s what it was; war. I wanted to be right, I wanted to win and I wasn’t going to back down.
Now I’ve noticed that I now take a much calmer and incredibly mature approach to arguments. I stop them before they become full-blown fights. How do I do it? I take a step back. I use things that us women tend to forget about when we’re overcome with emotion: logic and reason.
When my man and I start to argue, I remain calm. When he makes a point, I repeat what I heard. Now mind you, it may not actually be what he said, or what he meant, but it’s what I heard. Here’s where logic and reason come in. If I spit back what I feel he said, and he says, “You’re twisting my words!” I calmly reply, “I’m not twisting your words, I’m telling you what I heard. If I’m wrong, or you meant it another way, please correct me.” The key here is being calm. If you freak out, he freaks out and all hell breaks loose.