Latest posts by Chiara Mazzucco (see all)
- I Haven’t Showered (and Other Problems of the Overly-Ambitious) - July 21, 2014
- Booze and You: When Alcohol Happens - July 18, 2014
- Why Do Women Cling? - July 14, 2014
No matter where you are in life – dating, single or in the middle of a break up – there is something irresistible about wanting what you can’t have. For the sake of this article, let’s narrow it down to wanting someone you can’t have. It could be a married coworker, an old crush or ex, or someone you barely even know who hardly knows you’re alive. Wanting the forbidden fruit is normal and in many ways, healthy; Gunning for it, on the other hand, is not.
What makes the unattainable glow?
If you can’t catch ‘em, you can never be rejected and you’re free to imagine them in the best light, even one you conjure up out of thin air.
One of two things is going on here: either you’re addicted to the chase or you’re taking this as a personal blow to your ego and interpreting it as a challenge. Sure, there are rare times that your feelings are genuine for the person and that if both of you were available at the same time, you’d jump in just as willingly. But that’s rare and I’m willing to bet that’s now why you’re pining for the forbidden fruit.
The beginning stages of a courtship can be so exciting! The random text messages, flirting and teasing can become so addicting that some people don’t want to ever give them up. Who says the chase ever has to end, right? Well it doesn’t, especially if you just keep jumping from chase to chase. And you know what makes the chase even more exhilarating? When the person isn’t up for grabs to begin with. Innocent text messages and flirting transform into naughty, secretive, sneaking around that is sure to get you hot and bothered, especially when the person is responsive to it. But eww, imagine what would happen if that person were to suddenly become available and expect you to follow through….. with everything? BUZZKILL.
Let’s say you’re on a hot streak. Your Facebook wall is covered in flirty comments from the opposite sex and you are feeling GOOD. You head to work with your chin held high and spot the most desired person in your office who is, obviously, married. If you can get ‘em interested, you really are unstoppable. Suddenly, you feel butterflies every time a smile is exchanged – a natural reaction we feel to something we want. Only you don’t want the person, you want his or her interest, nothing more. If they were to suddenly become available their sexiness score would drop drastically.
You may not even realize that your attraction is based on the fact the person is unattainable. You may genuinely believe you’re interested. But once you’ve got them, like the chase and the challenge, you’ll be stuck at a dead end, not knowing how you get there and having ‘homewrecker’ tattooed on your forehead. Hope the thrill was worth it.
If YOU Are the Forbidden Fruit
Ever notice how quickly romantic confessions come flooding in the second you’re in a new relationship? If the suspicion of being the forbidden fruit ever crosses your mind, you’d be wise to listen; don’t give in. Because if you do, you’ll be the one to end up broken hearted. Imagine playing hard to get, finally giving in and then being left on the side of the road when you leave your relationship to be with someone who suspiciously declares their undying love for you.
When in doubt, remain forbidden. It’s a win-win situation; you keep ‘em interested & you avoid being ditched.
And for everything else we want that is forbidden – like, for example, sex with your best friend – leave it to the imagination because reality hardly ever resembles our fantasies.
That’s another part of the appeal; when you want the forbidden, you let your mind fantasize about what it would be like being with them. The beauty of the imagination is that it’s selective – you pick the good traits, forget the bad traits and make up the rest to fill any holes. Bam. Perfection.
So what’s the lesson? Chasing the forbidden, no matter the intentions or the reasons for the attraction, will lead to a dead end. Why? Because 9.9 times out of 10 (and I say that because even that 1 time out of 10, it’s only for slightly different reasons) it’s not about the person, it’s about the fact they’re unattainable and unless you’re game for a forever-lasting chase, the moment you ‘win’ is the moment you’re no longer interested. Give up the drug. Or don’t … But don’t go bitching about it when it all comes crumbling down.
Not sure that you should be taking that next step? Why not just start a flirtationship? Find out how in our special print edition.