last minute, wedding, theindiechicks, dating, relationship

The Last Minute Guys Not to Date

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Tara Merry

Tara Merry is a self-confessed blogger and bad decision maker. Originally from New Zealand she recently moved to the United Kingdom, where she plans to kiss as many frogs as possible before midnight strikes and she turns back into a pumpkin.

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When you’re single, there are very few things more frightening than showing up alone to an event that you know your ex will be at. It’s awkward, embarrassing, and there is always that rush to be the one that has moved on first.

Believe me, I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. There have been many times when I have seriously considered hiring a male escort to accompany me to events if I know an ex-boyfriend will be there. I have even gone as far as Googling the legalities of paying someone for sex as long as you don’t ACTUALLY HAVE sex with them, before I stopped with the relationship that if I actually had ‘people hiring’ money, it would be better spent on finding someone to clean my house.

So what’s the next best thing? How about finding a hot guy to take with you that doesn’t require payment? Don’t you wish life was that simple?

Instead, if you’re like me, you will find yourself scouring through your Facebook friends trying to find someone that’s:

  1. Presentable
  2. Lives in your area and
  3. Won’t think it’s weird that you’re calling them out of the blue to invite them to a wedding

The Last Minute Guy

And there he is; the last minute guy. He’s the guy that’s cute enough, nice enough, smart enough, but ultimately is not enough enough to ever consider seriously having a relationship with.

There are four categories that the last minute guy can fall into and none of them are as pretty as you’re going to look at that wedding:

He Wants Sex

He’s only coming because he wants to have sex with you. He will keep his hand on your ass all night. You’ll feel disgusted and end up hiding in the bathroom.

He’s in Love with You

He has been waiting all of this time for you to reciprocate. He will ask the bride an inappropriate number of questions about the caterer before jotting down their number for future reference (his wedding to you). You’ll feel disgusted and end up hiding in the bathroom.

He’s the Nice Guy

He’s a genuinely nice guy and wants to help you out. Unfortunately, he’s the exception and not the rule. If he’s your date, then you will get laid tonight. Get it girl!

He Wants to Get Hammered

He’s only coming for the open bar. He will make a fool of himself on the dance floor. You’ll feel disgusted and end up hiding in the bathroom.

And he is only coming for the open bar!

Seriously, would you go to a wedding with someone you don’t really know unless there was free or severely reduced alcohol prices? No. The answer is no. So why should he be any different? You just have to question whether or not it’s a smart move to take someone whose sole desire is getting drunk to an event where you’re trying to make a good impression.

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  • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

    Omg, I’m dying – you’re a hilarious writer. Keys!! Bahahahaha.

    But I still think you should have taken him to the wedding. Could have had a good laugh. “Hey, hot Aussie.. do me a favor and talk into the mic” while handing him a peanut.

  • Courtney Renfro

    I love this article. This is so funny. I feel the same way. I do not care to go to family gatherings alone. It’s fine. I worry when I am invited to weddings due to the fact I am single. I recently went to my friend’s bf party. I wished I brought a date. I was so bored. I wanted to leave. Don’t you wish there was site where you hired a cute guy for the night?
    It is embarassing to bring a drunk date.

  • http://www.accordingtojewels.com Jewels

    The stress over seeing an ex at a social function without a date is horrific. What if he brings a date, what if he doesn’t and you do and look spiteful, or what if his date is amazing and yours spends the night groping you or puking in a centerpiece? Rarely does the last minute date workout…I much prefer being bold and brave, going solo and lighting up the room with my smile and having a blast! ;)

    Keys…they jingle! Hilarious! love it.