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How’s Your Type Working for You?

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Suzanne Casamento

Suzanne is the founder of a site that empowers women to take chances, build confidence and find love by incorporating flirting into their daily routines.

Latest posts by Suzanne Casamento (see all)

One of my girlfriends recently divorced her husband. When they first started dating, he’d randomly rumble up to the club on his Harley, wait for her to bounce on the back and whisk her away. Then she’d suffer for weeks until, out of nowhere, that single headlight appeared through the darkness.

She chased his hot and cold ass for years until finally she somehow got him to put a ring on it. Now, after a decade of a mostly cold marriage spent wondering exactly where he’d ride off to most nights, she’s single again and dating.

Joe, the new guy, is “Gorgeous,” and “Totally ripped up.” He’s “A highly sought after personal trainer who unfortunately has a crazy schedule.” So when someone cancels a session, he calls her. And she dashes off to meet him.

What she doesn’t realize is that she’s dating the same guy she married. The only difference is that he wears Nikes and workout gear instead of leathers and a helmet.

Considering she’s spent most of her life with only one guy, it’s hard to blame her for not knowing any better. But what about the rest of us? How many times should we fall for the same guy before we consider ourselves insane?

When you think about it, the whole concept of having a “type” is pretty warped. It basically means that we’re consistently attracted to the same guy. But if that guy was good for us, we’d only need one, right? We wouldn’t date enough of them to be able to diagnose ourselves with a type, would we?

So, if you’re worried that you’re falling for a type and not the actual guy, here are some things to watch for:

1. Repetition. Is your love life starting to feel like it’s on a loop? When you tell Mike about that funny thing that happened to you and the baked glaze in his eyes reminds you of the same one Tom, Dan and Jared had whenever you spoke, that’s a sign.

Note the signs. Write them down, so when the good times roll, you can’t forget the signs ever popped up.

2. Intuition. Another red flag is that indescribable pang when someone hurts you in a familiar way. Maybe it’s his condescending tone or an indifferent shrug to your warm touch. It’s not so much what he does, it’s how your intuition responds to it. Like you know it too well.

3. Progress (or lack thereof). Do most of your relationships start off with a bang, move on to the inability to part for even an hour and suddenly slam into the wall of break up truth? Or does each relationship look different? Do you progress to different dating milestones? Do you learn more about yourself with each one? Does each significant other make you feel increasingly more important, loved and valued?

If your relationships don’t progress, it may be time to take a deeper look into what’s going on and who you’re trying to relate with.

If you feel slightly nauseous while reading any of the points above, you might need to shift how you react to your type. Instead of spotting your type and putting on your best flirt, spot your type and move on. If the pull is strong, remember you’re a badass chick who deserves better. Then top it off by asking yourself, “How’s that type working out for me?”

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  • http://weezafish.blogspot.com/ WeezaFish

    That was a thought provoking post, thank you. I think my type is working for me thank god! But I do remember worrying my Mum when I was younger. Never wanted to be with anybody ‘boring’. You can imagine the colourful characters I brought home huh?!

    • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

      LOL! I totally get what you’re saying. I think I scared the crap out of my mom when I was younger. It’s like my motto was “The Badder the Better.” Clearly, that type wasn’t working for either of us! :)

  • Heather

    I have gone through a few different Types at different stages of my life: Furry Hippies in college, a handful of Lanky Smartypantses after that, moving on to a decade of beautiful Tortured Artists… I have recently moved on to a much wider variety, which is both interesting (to learn about them AND myself) and slightly outside of my comfort zone. But I think this is the best way to find the inevitably unique soul that will be right for me!

    • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

      Good for you for stretching outside your comfort zone! You are so smart to date a variety of “types.” You never know who you’ll love until you love him. ;)

  • http://gonnadoitlater.blogspot.com Brandi

    I’ve had a poor father-daughter relationship, and I had always been told that girls with that issue tend to date men exactly like their fathers. In order to avoid that, I looked for the polar opposite, it didn’t work out, and I ended up hurt. This is great to keep in mind to avoid going after either of those types. That, and I believe I need to work out a list of deal-breakers for the men I date.

    • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

      Hey Brandi! Sounds like you’re pretty self aware. That’s half the battle! Just keep noting what works and doesn’t work for you and eventually you’ll find the right guy!

    • Evelyn

      Really thought provoking points. Sometimes my gut has said no and I have said yes for really stupid reasons, like I would hurt his feelings or I wanted to do something daring. I have to listen more.

      • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

        Evelyn, your comment is great. You touch on a whole other subject that can be hard to tackle – learning how to say, “No.” Excellent point!

  • http://myfittblog.com Veronica

    Oh, my goodness, Suzanne! What a gorgeous article! I recently went on the other end of the spectrum of what I once thought was “My Type” and am insanely happy. This is important for women to read, I think. We have the tendency to be distracted by a man’s aesthetics and wonder why we’re still in the same position we hated in the first place. Bravo!

    • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

      Thank you, Veronica! I’m so happy you’re insanely happy! You’re proof that going to the other end of your “type” spectrum can prove great results. Yay YOU!!!

  • http://www.accordingtojewels.com Jewels

    Other than being tall I don’t have a “type”. I know I know…I should allow shorter men to date me…but I just can’t do it. I don’t have a “type” so long as I am treated with respect and I feel accepted for who I am. I think that’s helped me be open to love in all it’s glorious forms–be it friendships in the strangest places or love where I least expected it. Great article, Suzanne!

    • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

      Jewels, I love that you don’t have a type! Being treated with respect and feeling accepted as who you are are fabulous requirements. And as for dating tall guys…it’s REALLY nice!

  • Courtney

    I love this article. I can relate to this on many levels. I noticed a pattern as well. I am attracted to the same type, usually jerks. The same thing happens, they treat me like shit. I realized after a while. I don’t deserve to be treated like shit. I deserve a guy, who treats me with love and respect. I also noticed I have another type. Usually, that does not work out either. From your article, I learned how to spot the signs. Now, I know to avoid those types. I am going to find a guy, who is different from my type.

  • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

    Courtney, woohoo! I love that you learned from the article! That’s what being badass is all about. ;)

  • Rene

    This is a great and thought provoking article. I recognized I had a “type” after a few failed love interests. Once I realized what I should look out for I was able to walk away from that “type” that would hurt me in the long run. Thanks for writing this!

    • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

      Rene, nice work! Good for you recognizing and walking away! :)

  • http://chaosandwords.wordpress.com/ Ashley

    This was a very insightful post with good points! I never really had a type, per se, save for a few similarities. I did have the one “boy boy” ex of mine who was not the most kind-hearted person. Thankfully, I was able to see past the short-lived fun. Love does tend to make you blind to flaws, but it’s important to remember yourself even when you fall in love so as not to end up in empty relationships. Very nice point you made – our “types” may not always necessarily be the best choice for us.

    • http://chaosandwords.wordpress.com/ Ashley

      that was supposed to read “bad boy”, haha

      • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

        Thanks Ashley! You are sooo right! It is very important to remember yourself when you fall in love. Hm. That’s a good idea for an article. ;)