How to Text a Guy

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

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Bam. Numbers have been exchanged and flirtation has commenced. Game ON, baby! There is nothing more fun than getting your flirty text dance on with a new crush – question is: how good are your guy texting moves? I watched this hilarious video on how to text a girl, and it got me thinking, do girls know what they’re doing when texting guys? Here’s how to text a guy and get your text game on.

How to Text a Guy

1. Consider Text Frequency

How often should you be texting him? Well, the rules of real life accessibility still apply, even behind the screen. Would you want to appear in front of him every single time he thought of you, or would you want to incorporate a little game of hard to get? You shouldn’t be texting him all day, everyday. Don’t you have anything better to do? I always say the most attractive thing about an individual is the ability to do your own thing.

Texting tip: Text a guy enough so he’ll think of you, but not so much, so he still wonders what you’re doing. Every now and then it’s okay to respond immediately, since we spend most of our day on our smart phones anyway, but consider spacing your initial responses out a bit so you don’t look crazy desperate.

2. Legibility

We text so much nowadays that it should be considered an extension of how we present ourselves in face-to-face interactions. Use punctuation, spell things correctly, and don’t rely on an overabundance of emoticons to translate how you’re feeling, or you’ll look like a tween. And for fucks sake, DoN’t TeXt HiM LiKe tHiS. Don’t over LOL and don’t ever text in all caps. Wtf?

Texting tip: There’s no need to be too verbose  – i.e. novel length texts, and you can definitely shorten words where abbreviations apply. However, keep in mind that there is a text version of sounding like an idiot and the written word is just as valuable as the spoken word. Choose your words wisely and give yourself an above middle school education.

3. Give Him a Chance to Respond, Man

I always say that texting someone a crap ton of follow-ups to a text is the equivalent of screaming the same sentence in someone’s face until they respond. You may get a response out, but the result is going to be far from what you were hoping for. Just because your message was sent – and maybe read – doesn’t mean he has to respond right away. People drive. People have meetings. People fall asleep. People have guests they don’t want to ignore. Sending 10 aggressive texts to make sure he got what you dished makes you look like a crazy.

Texting tip: If something requires a phone call, pick up the phone and call. When you text a guy don’t ask crazy weighted questions that make you want to cut your wrist for every minute that goes by that he doesn’t respond. Doing crap like that is just asking to let your inner insecure crazy out to play. If you’re having problems waiting for a response, grab your phone and put it in a drawer and go keep busy. Take a shower, read a book, or watch an episode of something that draws you in.

4. To Read Receipt or Not to Read Receipt

The jury is still out on what it does to a guy’s sanity to see you’ve read a text but haven’t responded. Turning on read receipt, which shows the exact time a text has been read, comes with immense power that can be used or abused. If you leave it on, be mindful of your response time and only use it to control a small number of situations. Always acknowledge the fact you’ve read a message. For example, if you read it and it said something important, when you respond make sure to say something like, “Sorry! I was in a meeting,” or say, “I was driving and couldn’t respond, but the answer is definitely yes!” If he has it on, please refer to tip #3.

Texting tip: Don’t go switching it on or off like a light switch in the middle of a flirtationship – that’s just confusing. Your goal is to get a little control and use it to your advantage.

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  • Jewels

    This is a great article! I think I do a rather good job of texting. I never text illegible shit, I keep it fun and flirty, and I give him space to answer. I think where I fall a little short is in the whole “not being available” all the time thing. I don’t jump right on answering but I don’t play the waiting game either. Great tips for the beginning text flirter. ;)

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      You’re just a no-bullshit kind of girl.. not everyone has that kind of sass.

  • Chrystal Rose

    These are all pretty solid tips. I haaaaaaaaaate when guys text “What’s up?” or don’t text anything back to progress a conversation. I tend to just never respond until they send me something worthy of replying to. Repeat texts are SO bad. You must get a grip on yourself and not double or triple text a guy. It doesn’t matter if it takes him 3 weeks to respond– just move the hell on!
    And Chiara, Carmela is going to get you for that one ;)

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      I miss Carmela.

      • Chrystal Rose

        She’s not allowed to play with you…trouble could ensue and I don’t trust her one bit!

  • Carolyn

    I definitely agree that you need to spell things correctly. If I start texting a guy and his grammar is awful, I’m completely done with him. But then again, I am a writer so it means a lot to me! I’ve also never seen a phone with “read receipt.”


    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Bad grammar makes me want to throw my phone into a wall. Seriously. I know it’s dramatic… but it’s SUCH a pain in the ass having to convince myself that maybe the person I’m texting isn’t an idiot and this entire convo is just one big typo.

  • http://genmcord.tumblr.com/ Genevieve Cordery

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 4 years now, and I remember texting him for the first time. I took my time responding, I acted cool, but inside (and in my room) was dancing around like a crazy monkey. But don’t BE crazy toward him. That’s a good way to guarantee he won’t be texting you again.

    And please, men & women, stop texting just to text. Have a purpose, make plans. Don’t talk just to talk because chances are, that other person is busy and you texting them for no reason may be viewed as a waste of their time.

    Loved this article!!

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      I hate the texting just to text. I know I sound like a brat, but my time is precious. The seconds spent reading ‘Hey. What’s up?’ over and over again add up to way too much wasted time!

  • http://joannerambling.wordpress.com/ Jo-Anne

    I found this interesting I have never given how to text a guy any thought till I read this

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Well it’s definitely a thing, Jo-Anne!:)

  • http://www.aussalorens.com/ HackerNinjaHookerSpy

    Ha– I like #1. I am all about creating a bit of intrigue. And text read receipts scare the heck out of me… I have never turned mine on, no way. Sometimes a girl needs to ponder before replying.

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      I have such a love/hate w/ read receipts, to be honest.. It’s like, if I have the preview on then I can avoid responding without reading, but showing read and controlling when the response goes out can have such power, too. But I get it. I hate when I read a text and am just like, “Damn it.”