Latest posts by Brian Kearney (see all)
- Advice From Your GBF (Gay Best Friend) - October 17, 2014
- #HeForShe: Why Gender Equality Is Everyone’s Issue - September 30, 2014
Being gay has taught me a lot of things. I’ve had the privilege of seeing my girl friends go in and out of relationships, both good and bad, as well as having some of my own. Over the years, I’ve reminded myself to avoid certain behaviors I’ve witnessed in close friends in their relationships that seemed damaging. As your gay best friend, I’m sharing the following tidbits of advice so that your relationship or love life can be the best it can be. You’re welcome.
Men Are Not Mind Readers
Even the most empathetic people have trouble “reading” people, so don’t assume your significant other can tell when you’re upset or unhappy with a decision he has made. Just because they don’t pick up on your social cues – a frowny face or puppy dog eyes – doesn’t mean they don’t care for you.
Just Say It Already
Stop beating around the bush with your communication and say what’s really on your mind. Better communication makes for a better relationship. That’s obvious. If you’re annoyed at something, say it. If you’re upset at something your significant other did, communicate that.
Texting Is Not Appropriate for All Conversations
A lot of things get misconstrued over text messaging, so pick up the phone or talk face-to-face. For example, if you say via text that you’re not mad but really you’re just waiting for him to realize what he did wrong, he won’t. And don’t hold it against him later.
Don’t Play Coy
If you don’t show interest in a guy hoping he’ll come running after you, he probably won’t. This isn’t high school anymore. Just be honest and upfront about how you feel so no one’s time is wasted.
Everyone Needs Some Alone/Friend Time
Stop getting mad if your man wants to spend some time with his friends or goes golfing once in a while. It’s not that he doesn’t want to spend time with you, he just wants some “me” time. Relatedly, if anger or frustration at your man in situations like these stems from distrust, you should probably do some hard thinking about the relationship.
Life Isn’t a Nicholas Sparks Book
This is self-explanatory. I’m not saying to lower your expectations; just remember that most of those stories are fiction, and not every man is an intellectual George Clooney. Your boyfriend might someday show up at your door and whisk you away when you’re in a bad mood, but don’t hold it against him if he doesn’t.
Learn to Let Things Go
Life is too short! Learn to let go of little things and the petty shit that just isn’t that important. I know, some of you might be saying, “If it’s important to me, then it’s important,” but in the big scheme of things, it’s probably not worth the fight that will ensue between you and your partner. And stop holding things against your partner that happened in the past. It’s over.