One of the shittiest parts of being in a relationship is watching it disappear in front of your very eyes. What sucks more than knowing it’s coming to an end? When your partner knows, and you don’t. I’ll cover the nice ways you’re getting dumped, but that’s when the dumping is happening without shame. There are times, however, that relationships end in a more discrete way and often times, the moments leading up to the end are worse than the actual act itself.
How to tell if you’re getting dumped
Are you cuddling less? Does your presence make your partner squirm in disgust? If so, he’s either cheating on you or he’s planning on giving you the boot. Physical distance is a pretty measurable sign; if you were used to sex, cuddles, and PDA and they all suddenly disappear into thin air… chances are something is wrong.
Emotional distance is the most painful indication of drama. With physical distance, you get a visual sense of where the two of you stand; with emotional distance, it’s abstract. There is nothing ‘real’ to validate your fears. All you can do is lay in bed and worry about the ‘inkling’ you have and this unexplained pain you feel. When someone detaches emotionally, it’s almost always a sign of dissipating feelings. That or there’s infidelity involved, in which case it still indicates a quickly approaching darkness.
Being around the same person all of the time is intense; the only reason you’re able to tolerate being around a boyfriend or girlfriend is because that intensity is gingerly masked by love. Once the love begins to evaporate, you’re left with some asshole barking in your ear all day. What do you do? You get angry. If you start noticing your partner is snapping at the smallest things, there’s a good chance he’s just over making the effort to remain calm. Decorum is exhausting.
Remember dragging your feet to that dreaded class in high school? You didn’t want to be there; you had to be there. That’s exactly what it’s like when you’re in a relationship you don’t want to be in… you’re just too coward to walk away. (Like you could have easily dropped that class in HS, but instead you chose to attend with a pout every day). Relationship-ending boredom is easy to spot: it’s not easily cured with adventures to the theme park or spontaneous stripteases.
Passive aggressive much? The shitty behavior is another indication that your Romeo has given up. In fact, it’s usually an attempt to get you to do the dumping. Guys think they’re being so obvious with shitty behavior, they’re baffled by your inability to ‘get the point’. It’s supposed to be obvious, but you usually like to live in the land of denial (have you read my book?), so they eventually end up dumping you.
I don’t want to get dumped! What can I do?
Well, you can definitely beg, but that’s not very cute – or effective, for that matter. First thing’s first: don’t just assume you’re getting dumped. These signs are meant to indicate ongoing behavior, not your partner having a shitty day or two. We all get bored, we all get pissed and we all get a little shitty – it’s life. Deep within, you usually know something is wrong. (If you didn’t, why would you search for an article like this?) Usually, the situation is hopeless. If your partner isn’t making an effort to make things work, it usually means it’s not going to, no matter the number of bandages you try to apply. In some cases, however, there might still be hope. Here are 2 things you can do:
- Participate and make an effort - It’s easy to fall into the rabbit hole of fear. While you’re busy being an investigator, you’re probably missing out on the same relationship you suspect your partner of wanting to abandon. Do you sense boredom? Bring in some excitement (get sexy, have fun, try new things). Is he irritable? He might be having a shitty week at work, stop barking in his ear, offer support, and let him deal with it on his own.
- Communicate – If you’re sensing distance, or that something is wrong in general, the only way to figure it out is to stop over analyzing and just speak the fuck up. Unless, of course, you enjoy lying in bed letting your imagination run wild. If there is a problem that can be fixed, the first step is to identify it, and you can’t do that alone.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back sucks. But the only way to get over it is to let the reality set in. If you start noticing abnormal behavior like the signs mentioned in this article, don’t just write it off and wait for the words, “It’s over” to be spoken -they may never be.. and sitting in bed counting the hints isn’t going to get you anywhere.
And remember, relationships end. It’s okay. The next one is better, anyway.
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