Latest posts by Chiara Mazzucco (see all)
- Drunk Dial: Nothing Good Comes From “I’m Sooo Drunk” - July 25, 2014
- What to Do When No One Believes in You - July 24, 2014
- I Haven’t Showered (and Other Problems of the Overly-Ambitious) - July 21, 2014
Your hand is on the door handle, shaking, and you’re about to enter the apartment. He left it unlocked to make you believe you had a choice in the matter, but deep down, you know what will happen once you step through that door.
You know that in the real world, you are someone people look up to and admire. You give orders, others take them; you worked hard to get to where you are today and people around you not only know it; they respect you for it.
The second you step through that door, however, all it will take is one look and you’ll be his for the taking. You’ll completely abandon your status and dominance in the world and offer yourself to him to do as he pleases.
Your instinct, being the control freak you are deep within, is to put out a disclaimer. You need the stability and certainty that he’ll still want you when this is all over, and that he won’t look at you in a demeaning way after he does as he wants with you.
As you walk into his apartment and the door shuts, you know how things will progress, and that familiarity soothes you. Control will need to be relinquished slowly—not all at once—or you’ll feel the fear too fast and run away.
The first part is the easiest; you’ll let go vocally. Maybe you’ll dance around small talk and discuss how devastating this heat wave has been. But before you know it, your eyes will lock and your bodies will no longer be able to fight the desire any longer.
So you’ll dare him, verbally, to come and take you.
Once the words leave your mouth, you’ll feel the shackles loosen. He now knows you want him to make his move and to take control of you in every possible way.
Your breath begins to quicken—you know there’s no turning back.
When he makes his way to you and picks you up, you are spinning with anticipation. The next step will be hardest. He’ll lay you on the couch and as he straddles himself on top of you, he’s pinning your arms above your head. Now, you need to relinquish control physically.
Anxiety makes its way through your pores and into your bloodstream, warming your body and speeding up your heart. Letting go is so hard, but that’s when you feel it—that’s when you finally start to get turned on.
It’s not what he’s doing, or who he is, it’s the fact you’re not in control.
As the minutes pass and he teases you, you feel an internal battle of pleasure and fear—though it’s not fear of what he’ll do, it’s fear that you won’t be able to control it. Every part of you wants to fight him off and take back your body, but the feel of his hands directing your movement is enough to make you numb.
The last part, which you know is always the most intense, is letting go erotically; allowing your body to respond to his guidance and submitting everything within you to reach that ecstatic point of no return.
The sweet taste of release will breathe rhythmically alongside your racing heart, your shackles falling heavily on the floor.
You’ve let go, completely.