begging

Begging: Baby, Please Don’t Go!

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

Latest posts by Chiara Mazzucco (see all)

Getting dumped is one of the shittiest feelings in the entire world; and the entire world can relate. A broken heart hurts so much, in fact, we often put our dignity on the line to mend it. Whether you’ve seen it coming or ‘the talk’ comes out of the blue, hearing “It’s Over” can make us do the craziest things -like, for example: getting on our knees begging, “Baby, please don’t go!”

Love is rarely balanced. The few times it is, it’s when you’ve found your soul mate. Assuming you’re a normal human being, you’re expected to go through many soul mate wannabes before you reach ‘the one’… and each wannabe brings about its own fucked up, imbalanced scale.

There will always be one more interested than the other, one whose affection is shorter lived, one always more likely to hurt the other and there will always be one willing to risk everything they stand for in order to revive a relationship that is already dead. Every relationship is different, but when it comes to breaking up, the roles are always the same.

Whatever your role is, begging for a relationship will never work and here’s why:

Begging – When You’ve Messed Up & Want Another Chance

When you screw up, you’re entitled to present your case and ask for a second chance. This should be done ONCE if the the other person is willing to hear it – and by letter or email if he/she is not – and that’s all you get. You don’t get to harass, reiterate and restate your claim in a different language (you know, in case you missed anything). You offer your apology, make a promise for the future and walk away. You are not entitled to a second chance.  Keep in mind that if you’ve messed up, you’ve most likely hurt the person you’re with and the last thing they need is to hear you pleading for their love.

Begging – When You’re Just Getting DUMPED

I know. It doesn’t make sense. You were so happy just a week ago and suddenly, BAM! You’re not what your lover wants anymore. The first thing that comes to mind is the need to say and do whatever it takes to buy you some more time. It starts with panic..  You might recognize some of the following lines:

  • Wait! I’ll change!
  • But I love you so much!
  • Tell me what you want, I swear… I’ll do whatever it takes!
Then, once you run out of those, you take it up a notch with the aggression:
  • You’ll never find anyone that loves you the way I do!
  • No one will accept you for (insert flaw)
  • After everything I’ve done for you!
  • If you walk away, you’ll lose me FOREVER!
Once you realize this is only pushing him/ her away… the panic really takes over:
  • Please, no.. I can’t live without you
  • Please don’t leave me, I’ll never love again!
  • I need you

As you can see, the progression is the same. With every step you take in trying to convince your partner he/she is making a bad decision by leaving, you strangle your dignity a little tighterThe sad thing is, your partner already knows what you have to offer and they’re simply no longer interested. A power point presentation isn’t going to change that.

A Word to the Broken Hearted

We’ve all been dumped, we can all relate. When I tell you not to make an ass of yourself, it’s because I’ve done it before.. and so has everybody else. Not only does getting on your knees NOT work, but it inevitably makes you believe you’re an actual piece of shit. Step outside the situation and take note: You are trying to convince somebody that you are worth loving. What is this, a job interview?

I know that in the moment, desperation takes over and you’re willing to give up your dignity and everything that comes along with it in order to get a little more time together. But that’s just it, that’s all it is: just a little more time. If the person you’re with is walking away, it’s for a reason. If you threaten them and beg them, they might stick around a little longer, but they’ll inevitably continue on the path they had chosen. This will leave you dying on the side of the street.

In order for a relationship to be a successful one, both parties need to be in it equally. The second one starts dragging it’s feet, it’s only a matter of time until the relationship comes crumbling down. It’s hard to accept someone no longer loving you but the sooner you do, the further you stay away from delusions, the quicker the healing process, and the sooner you’re falling in love with your next wannabe soulmate … – or your actual soul mate, who knows.

Have you begged for a second chance? How do you deal with getting dumped?

Show him you’re a badass, everyday, and you wouldn’t have to beg him to stay. Find out how in our special print edition

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  • http://www.accordingtojewels.com Jewels

    I have never begged to be taken back and I don’t think that I would give another chance to somebody who did. I have never understood wanting to be with somebody who clearly does not want to be with you. Maybe I’ve just never been in love enough to want to fight for it but desperation doesn’t become me. I can’t see it happening.

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

      The day I see you begging for anything is the day I walk away and drink a bottle of tequila to the dome to bring me back to reality. You’re right, desperation doesn’t become you. I, on the other hand, did my fair share of begging when I was a teen.. and let me tell you, even a bottle of tequila doesn’t erase the shame and desperation from my memories. …

      .. makes me who I am today.. makes me who I am today… repeat. drink. repeat.

  • http://www.fantasydatinggame.com/ Suzanne Casamento

    Just reading your article makes my heart hurt. There is nothing worse than the pain of getting dumped. I do everything you mapped out and add a whole lot of imaginary do-overs in my head. Like what I should have done that day and what I could have said that other day. It’s exhausting and so painful.

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

      I know, Suzanne.. This makes everyone’s heart hurt, mine included. It’s a reality we have all faced and will likely face again in our lives, whether it’d be romantic, friend or family related. We all map out the what-ifs, but it doesn’t change the facts. Do overs might seem different in your mind but they all lead to the same ending, they’re just different roads to the same destination. Breaking up, getting dumped, moving on.. it’s all exhausting, and all painful… it’s a part of life that while we experience it seems like Armageddon.. and once we survive it proves to be the foundation of our newfound strength.

  • Rene

    Yes, I’m not proud of it, but when my first love left me, I was in shambles. I was the mopey, woe is me type. Even though I could see the signs, I was resistant to the inevitable. The fortunate thing about it was after a short time, I got angry with myself and snapped out of it, ha. When we see our inner strength we can overcome even our worst times.

  • http://chaosandwords.wordpress.com/ Ashley

    It is incredibly hard to accept that someone you love no longer loves you back. Before I started dating my husband, I was in a terrible relationship – but I loved him. He said he loved me, but once out of the relationship and into a normal, functional one, I could see how imbalanced the relationship was. You bring up this point excellently. I served as the rock that kept him stable, but it wasn’t healthy. He left, and at first, I did feel panicked. I did feel utterly heartbroken. But I picked myself up and told myself I deserve SO much more than what I was given. And once you truly know that, you end up much happier in other aspects of your lives as well. This was an insightful post, Chiara.

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