Latest posts by Chrystal Rose (see all)
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In running with the theme of my relationship posts like “10 Signs He’s a Keeper” and “Signs of a Controlling Man: 9 Red Flags” I’ve brought you this little number. Too often I see women with reservations, knowing that they should call off their wedding, but don’t. Whether it’s because they’re too embarrassed, they’ve spent a ton of money or it’s too close to the big day, there are immense pressures to follow through even if your gut tells you not to. Unfortunately, some don’t see the signs you should call off your wedding until it’s too late.
Eight years ago, at age 22, I got engaged. I’d been dating Sharkie* for a little more than two years and felt like it was about freaking time that he popped the question. Almost three years later, I called off the wedding and we broke up. Yes, I’m the one who called it off. Me. The female. And holy shit, do I feel like I dodged a bullet! I’m sharing these signs you should call off your wedding to hopefully prevent you from going through with it, only to learn a hard lesson later.
1. There’s an emphasis on timing
Because Sharkie and I had been dating a certain length of time, I thought we needed to be engaged. And I believed that engagements also had a standard length of time on them, so we set a date that fell in line. I did not see myself as “only 22″ or even madly in love, I saw myself as someone who’d been dating and living with someone for X amount of time. So we should get married, duh.
Yes, I believe you should be with someone a couple of years before you get engaged. Yes, I believe you should live with someone for at least a year and a see what they’re like through every season before you get engaged. But in no way is there a mandatory length of time that you should be engaged within. It puts far too much pressure on the relationship.
This also goes for your age. If you feel like you’re getting older and should be married by now, you’re just as lost. Your age doesn’t make you ready for marriage, and while you may be ready– it doesn’t mean that the relationship is.
2. You focus too much on planning the wedding…
Hey there Bridezilla, calm the fuck down. No sane person with the exception of the Queer Eye boys can tell the difference between Peach and Apricot. The day itself, the wedding, the reception– all the details really don’t fucking matter. What matters is the day after, and all the days after that. If you’re more concerned with your big day being perfect than you are on having the perfect union, you need to check yourself. This is one of the huge signs you should call off your wedding and, honestly, if you don’t he just might.
3. …Or you aren’t focused enough on planning
When I was planning my wedding it was comparable to picking out a pair of socks for work. Just about every gown I tried on looked good, so I chose one I liked. No tears, no emotion, no big deal. I had themed colors in mind and flowers I liked. I chose the first venue I looked at. I tasted cake and while none of it tasted all that great, I picked a flavor and gave the bakery a swatch of my colors along with “creative license” to do what they wanted. Oh yeah and invitations? I never even picked those out.
In essence, I just didn’t give a shit. And I wondered what the fuck all these other women were finding to be so stressful.
While you shouldn’t be totally insane about the planning, it’s probably not a good sign if you hardly care at all.