“Daddy, why didn’t you bring Mom flowers today? She’s going to be sad and think you don’t love her.” I was neatly organizing the stack of valentine cards I had received at school. “Because your mom knows I love her,” he said without making eye contact. “But today is Lover’s day and if you don’t tell her today, it like, makes you a bad daddy or something.” I had to defend my mother’s honor. “Listen, I’ll buy your mother flowers the same day I do every year. The day after Valentine’s Day. And if you ask me why, I will tell you that when you’re married and in love, you’ll know. I don’t need a day to tell your mother I love her, I should be telling her every day.”
I hate Valentine’s Day. I don’t hate it because I’ve gotten dumped on it; I don’t hate it because I’ve spent it single most years of my life; I don’t hate it because it’s sappy. I hate Valentine’s day because it does the one thing I firmly believe no real relationship can survive against: it sets standards. In addition to setting ridiculous standards for couples, it makes single people turn to ex boyfriends, pity parties, and other destructive things like ice cream and drugs.
I, on the other hand, have decided to stab Lover’s day in the kidney.
12 Reasons to Hate Valentine’s Day
If You’re Together:
1. If it’s not the first V-day together, you have to beat last year. Shouldn’t have started the relationship off with such a bang.
2. You expect things. And the let down isn’t like every other day let downs. It’s a really, really, big let down.
3. You’re forced to be romantic, even though it’s probably a day the girl is on her period and the guy had a bad day at work and it’s probably a day they’d rather watch Schindler’s List.
4. Another card. Really? Thanks for the forced word vomit, again.
5. You have to answer the world when it asks what the two of you did. It’s like you’re expected to have a romantic tale for the lonely souls in the audience.
If You’re Single
6. No one should ever eat that much junk food, cry so many tears, and watch so many sappy romantic comedies. Ever.
7. It makes you gather your chick posse and dress like a slut , which would be okay any other day but if you do it on V-day everyone will know you’re single and secretly depressed.
9. Even if you’re happy being single, someone, somewhere has to try and make you feel like shit. If it’s not the couple eating each other’s faces off, it’s the twat bag with the condescending, “Aw, maybe next year” tone.
10. It’s an annual reminder that your ovaries are wasting away
11. You’re expected to feel like a piece of shit on this day. Not only do your coworker’s expect it, but the world has told you that you should be with someone on this day and therefore, you expect to feel like a piece of shit, too.
12. If you stand up against feeling like shit, you’re excessively praised for being strong and independent.
F.U. VALENTINE’S DAY
Guess what? If you’re single, you should be strong and independent every day – not just on V-day. I shouldn’t tell you to love yourself and celebrate the you because you should be doing that all year long. And you really have no reason to be sad because the truth is, being single is AWESOME. But I’m not going to tell you that on the day everyone is trying to ‘make you feel better’ – I’m going to show you why.. every other day of the year.
If you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t save the grand gestures for V-day. You should choose random days to express your love, when neither of you is expecting it. When you wake up thinking, “Wow. Today I really love you more than yesterday.” Not because a fucking Hallmark card told you to.
You should be allowed to say, “You know what, it may be V-day but you’re being a bitch and I don’t think I want to spend money on an expensive dinner tonight.”
There are many reasons I hate Valentines Day. February 14th is what you make it, and it’s nothing if the other 364 days don’t come close to measuring up. If that’s the case, you’re lying to yourself, no matter your marital status. If you’re single and want to celebrate it on V-day, go ahead. Just make sure to throw the same party a month later. Why? Because if you don’t, you’re buying into the expectation.. And life is never what you expect it to be.