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How Cheating Made Me a Better Person

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Chrystal Rose

When Chrystal isn't writing and performing her President & COO duties for The Indie Chicks, she's running her very own marketing company, Dollhouse Marketing. She's a total travel junkie, health/fitness fanatic, mommy to a couple of furbabies and a Girl Scout Troop leader. Helping people, especially women is one of the things she loves the most so feel free to contact her via email or any of her social media outlets.

I know what you’re thinking. If you’re a cheater, you can’t also be a good person right? Well to clarify, I’m a former cheater. “Reformed cheater” as I affectionately like to refer to it. When I was cheating, I comforted myself by saying I was a good person doing shitty things. If I’m being honest, I wasn’t shitty in all aspects but cheating certainly took precedence, which in turn made me a mostly shitty person. Shades of gray people!

Once a Cheater Always a Cheater

If you cling to this adage, you need to shake the dust out of your panties. Believing this means you believe that people, all people are incapable of change. Yes, there are some cheaters that will never change, just like there are assholes that will never change and pushovers that will never change. There will be people who lie compulsively and people who drink too much. There are people that spend too much time in nightclubs and people who drink too much coffee.

Those people are just as equally capable, as well as incapable, of change.

In order to change, most people need a reason. In order to change something about their lives that’s become a regular habit (detrimental or not), most people need a really good reason. And maybe a kick in the ass or a Karmic slap to the face.

People change all the time and usually have a good reason for it. Maybe you eat terribly and your doctor tells you that you’re going to suffer from heart disease or die if you don’t turn things around now. Maybe it’s become clear you’ll lose everything if you don’t quit drinking. Or maybe you stop sunbathing because you’re afraid of wrinkles.

Just like everyone else, someone who cheats, can change.

5 Ways Cheating Made Me a Better Person

1. I Hide Nothing

Lying, cheating and hiding a completely separate life is exhausting. Jumping on your phone every time it buzzes, explaining where you were and who you were with (in a way that sounds reasonable), deleting, password protecting–it’s all a LOT of work. When I made the decision to stop cheating, the decision to be honest and open, had to come with it. I no longer have a password on my phone and will leave it in another room entirely at points. My Facebook and email are left open on my laptop and I only delete things because I don’t need/want them, rather than to hide them. I also am forthcoming about where I am and who I’m with. Since I’m not doing anything wrong, there’s no need to lie.

It’s incredibly freeing to be an open book. Speaking of book, my boyfriend knows all about mine, Unfaithfully Yours: Confessions of a Cheating Bitch and while it was difficult to swallow at first, he’s now understanding of my past and trusts me completely.

2. I’m More Direct

Rather than looking outside my relationship to be fulfilled in certain areas, I now ask for what I need within it. Sure, I used to ask for what I wanted, (while also guilt tripping and threatening). When I didn’t get it I’d throw a fit and most likely look to another man to fill those gaps. If those needs were met, it didn’t last long and the temporary fill ended up leaving me feeling empty.

I’ve learned to be honest about my needs/wants as well as be realistic about receiving them. I’m patient with my boyfriend and know that he can’t change overnight, so rather than demand instant gratification; I acknowledge his progress. The reward of getting what I need from him is infinitely more satisfying than a temporary high from a random.

Continue reading on the next page…

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  • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

    My bar of respect for you just literally doubled, even when I didn’t think I could respect you any more. I genuinely believe that a persons character is marked by their ability to grow and learn from his or her mistakes. This was such an amazing post, I am so proud to call you one of ours.

    As for me, I cheated once and the guilt was so miserable, I confessed. He took me back. I thought I had confessed because I really wanted to be with him and wanted another chance, but in reality I just wanted the weight of the guilt off. He took me back and I cheated on him again, no guilt this time. A month later, I dumped him. Interesting how that happens, isn’t it

    • Chrystal Rose

      THANK YOU. Writing these posts are so important to me because there are so many women out there that have done similar things and don’t even know how to talk about it. It’s such a tough, touchy subject that is frightening because you know people will make a judgement right away.

      I never fully told him what I did. I knew that the relief of guilt equaled pain to him and as awful as I was to him, I knew he didn’t deserve it. The burden can be so heavy at times.

      Your respect means a lot to me Chiara :)

  • Jewels

    It takes a certain caliber of women to admit her mistakes, learn from them, and view them in a positive light. There is a lot to be said for not hiding from our flaws and owning them. You can’t own the good if you don’t own the bad. Kudos for taking a life lesson from it and becoming a better person.

    Of course people change and brash generalizations are never correct. So loved this article.

    • Chrystal Rose

      Thank you Jewels! I think true happiness can only come from knowing both sides of the coin. I doubt there are genuinely happy people out there who’ve never made a mistake in their lives.

      I feel proud knowing the person I was and could still be, but making the choice to being the person I am now and striving to be the person I want to be instead.

  • Lonesome Jackalope™

    I value your transparency, genuine heart and gift of sharing a difficult, challenging time in your growth as a human person.
    Many discoveries on the road to true human personhood await each one of us. I live each day in a marriage devoid of intimacy, of understanding of acceptance, humor and on and on. My spirit is free but stays close to home to protect vulnerable (special needs) people. Would I “cheat?” Yes.
    Does that make me a bad person? A lesser individual? Bearer of the Scarlet Letter?
    I think that it’s the easy way out for people to condemn others for finding joy in relationships outside their marriages, commitments. It’s much harder for those people to look honestly in the mirror and admit that they “cheat” in their hearts at times.
    I hope that you have peace, happiness and that your voice of honestly echoes on and on. To find understanding in a culture that often refuses to look past it’s own surface imagery.
    ~ The Lonesome Jackalope