that friend

CLASSIFIED – I’m Looking For That Friend

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

When Jewels wrote The Seedy Side of FriendshipI cringed – and I’ll admit, even teared up a bit. See, Jewels wrote about this person who would do anything for you. A person you could talk to about anything and who would have your back no matter what. Someone who would act now and ask questions later. While most of our readers read her article and fled to celebrate their friendships with their loved ones, I was one of the few who sat back and felt the hole in my heart widen just a bit. Because if I could, I would put out an ad, a personal, a… whatever you call it.. and I would say, “Hey. I’m looking for a friend.” I’m looking for that friend. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have friends, I have many great friends. I have friends I have known for ever, and some even better ones I have only known virtually. But this isn’t about them..

See, my teen diaries were just like yours – filled with teen angst, confusion, and the mandatory Prince Charming checklist detailing my idea of a perfect guy. And while my romantic past is definitely a clusterfuck of pain, mistakes and lessons learned, I was lucky enough to find my Prince Charming and settle into my happily ever after sooner than later. The weird thing is, while many of my friends – and I  do have friends – are still perfecting their soulmate checklist, I’ve been busy with a checklist of my own.

I moved 3,000 miles away from everything I’ve ever known. I miss Los Angeles, my family, and the life I spent over 20 years building. And despite the incredible virtual world I live in working online, the truth is I’m here alone. 

So here’s a letter – or a classified, or a personal, or an ad, or whatever – that I would put into the newspaper to find that friend. It’s probably not the right format and if I did put it up, I wouldn’t get the kind of responses I’d hope for – but you get the point. Because while you daydream about playing house with your future husband and your idea of a perfect date, this is what I dream of: I dream of having that friend, here.

I’m Looking For a Friend

First off, you should know, I’m awkward, loud, sarcastic and outspoken. I act weird, laugh, and like to have deep conversations.

Chemistry’s important to me, see, we need to click. I don’t want to have to explain why I do the things I do, feel the way I feel, or say the things I say – you’re just supposed to get me.

I need to know I’m important to you… that you think of me. Surprises are a good way of showing it, like showing up unannounced on a random weeknight with a bottle of wine and a favorite chick flick. Bonus points if you love all things 90s. And I have an 18 month old, too, so when I get sick or want to pull my hair out from the standard motherhood induced frustration, you’re supposed to come help me – maybe take him to the park or watch him while I shower. He has to feel comfortable calling you Auntie.

‘I’ll take care of it, don’t worry’ needs to be said often.

You have to be funny because most of the time, laughter is the only thing that solves life’s problems – at least my life’s problems. But it has to be genuine, pee in your pants laughter. So you have to get my sense of humor and be okay talking about pee, sex and all things embarrassing.

Sometimes when I feel sick or exhausted, I joke that I feel like an entire football team ran a train on me and left me on the field to sleep it off. You have to laugh at that, not roll your eyes and get uncomfortable.

Ambition and drive are pretty important parts of my life, so you’ve gotta reflect that. It doesn’t matter how much money you have.

Don’t really care what you look like either, as long as you don’t treat your body like shit.

Lastly, I’m a work at home, stay at home mother and wife. I need someone who will take me out on a mandatory girls night, someone to run errands with and most importantly, someone to come over when I’m most in need.

Someone who can make me laugh with a glance, who’ll tell me I look fat, and who would stay up late with me telling secrets and sharing war stories.

Don’t worry, I’m a pretty great friend, too. 

The hardest part of all this is admitting I’m lonely. I day dream about that friend like a teen girl daydreams about her perfect boyfriend. I ask myself, am I too old to find that kind of connection with someone? Much like a single older woman asks herself when looking for someone to spend the rest of her life with.

I have a best friend in CA, but we can only be as much as annual trips, texting and late night phone calls allow. Sometimes I feel I can’t be a good enough friend because I can’t run to her when she needs me and I wish I could be there for her, today and every other day. I should be there for her to run to and being apart from her chips away at that hole.

So for once, this piece isn’t as bright and cheerful as my others.. but I hope to have earned that.

Never underestimate the human need for companionship because no matter how incredible everything else is, without it rests a deep dark hole that cannot be filled. Because a woman needs a friend, that friend, to act now and ask later. A friend who will show up at her door, no matter the hour, ready to love, cherish and support her.

I’m hoping it’s not too late. And much like you day dream about bumping into your Prince Charming in the grocery store, I day dream about bumping into her.

 

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  • http://habitsofthinking.wordpress.com Rene

    Girl, I know exactly how you feel. I made most of my best friends in college, and now we are all scattered around the nation. When we get together it’s like the separation never existed, but when we are apart, a little piece of my heart breaks. I miss having my friends be as big in my life as they were, and I’m always looking for a girl I can relate to where I am. It’s tough! Don’t lose heart though. I’ve found great friends in the most random times of my life. Oh, and if I was where you are we would be grabbing coffee together at Starbucks every day!

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

      First of all, Rene, yes. I’d probably force you to get behind a random Starbucks counter and make me the best pumpkin latte or caramel macchiato ever… even if you didn’t work there. Secondly, I have also found great friends in moments I have least expected it – which is what I hope to happen soon.. and just you writing that one sentence sent a smile across my face.

      Thank you for the reminder. And thank you for the insane amount of support and really, virtual friendship, you’ve given me (and us) since joining our community. Thank you, again, Rene.

  • Marisa Lyon

    Hi, I’d like to apply for the position of Chiara’s NYC friend. I have a dry and sarcastic sense of humor. I say “That’s what she said” all the time and hate words like “moist” and “creamy” (ew). I love music and sing constantly, I just wish I was good at it. My friends and I have something called “pajama jam,” which is when someone is too drunk to drive home and stays over, we get in our pjs, eat junk food and talk about deep, intimate things, our hopes and dreams until we pass out, usually with chocolate still smeared across our faces. I’m all about a 3am kitchen dance party, but I tend to do more daytime activities these days as I get older and my skin starts to wrinkle and my bones start to ache. Oh and most importantly, I live at the beach in NJ, but I’m in the city all the time and will definitely drag you out to the latest show or event, or even just for coffee or brunch mimosas. If interested, please email me.

    I really enjoyed this piece. I loved the different style format and raw honesty, something that resonates with us all. The connection to other people is one of life’s greatest gifts. I continually try to surround myself with people who challenge and inspire me, and who push me to be the best version of myself without even trying. And I hope that I too, can do even a sliver of the same for them. So anyway, email me your number girl! haha ;)

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

      I legit laughed out loud – THANK YOU. You kind of sound amazing.. and I don’t know how classifieds or personals or whatever work, but I would totally call you in for a sit down, lunch + mimosa test run. Thank you, Marisa. I may just have to take you up on that offer.. because you kind of sound amazing, especially the dance parties, smeared chocolate, and aching bones.

      Don’t be surprised if you get an email this week, asking you to check your calendar. My hubby’s already granted me a day off in the city.. so I just need to find someone to spend it with. :)

      • Marisa Lyon

        haha Glad it made you laugh! Mission accomplished. Absolutely send me an email! I look forward to it :)

  • http://camerondgarriepy.com Cameron

    Oh, wow. Yeah.

    My best friends right now, the women I cry with, bitch with, fight fiercely for, pull out hair over parenting with, blushingly admit a thoroughly inappropriate lust for Justin Timberlake to, and wish I could go for Starbucks/wine/dancing with all live in my computer. I’m in Boston, they’re in Detroit and on the central CA coast. While many of my oldest and dearest friends are sort of near, THAT friend eludes me in my everyday, hugs-and-coffee life.

    Good luck to all of us who are searching!

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

      I have to admit, I don’t know where I would be sanity wise if it weren’t for the friends living in my computer. Maybe it’s the reason I was so passionate about getting The IC up and running to its full potential… Maybe I wanted to build a playground of women I could hope to one day call friends.

      It’s nice to know I’m not the only one searching and feeling that need for close companionship. Thank you for the comment, Cameron.

  • http://chaosandwords.wordpress.com/ Ashley

    If only I lived in NY! Actually, one of my best friends lives in NJ, so one of these days, I need to take a trip, and round you and Marisa up as well for a cup of coffee. ;]

    After college, most of my friends moved away while I found a job here. I’m aching to travel and do plan to do so eventually… but in the meantime, it does get lonely without your girlfriends there for regular ‘girls night’ filled with sarcasm, smartassery, and general fun. Whenever we DO all get back together, it’s as though no one ever left… and that’s a good feeling to have.

    In the meantime, I’ve been able to meet other great people, both local and online. There are different types of friendships that are perfect for you at certain times in your life, and I believe we learn something from everyone we develop a relationship with. But, it does make the heart ache to have THAT friend around. I loved this post and found it so relatable.

    • Marisa Lyon

      Ashley that would be AMAZING if you made a trip up this way! Keep me posted for sure :)

  • http://www.accordingtojewels.com Jewels

    Ladies, I adore you all. You’ve made me realize how seriously lucky I am to have my besties so close to me. I’ve discussed with my friends how hard it is to meet new female friends the older you get. It’s so easy when you are in grade school to walk up to a girl and say “wanna be my best friend” and from then on you are. Once you do that you grow together and build the closeness I have with my friends. The older you get the stranger it feels to do that.

    I know that those besties are out there for you ladies as well. Maybe I should rent myself out. ;)

    • Marisa Lyon

      Yes, it’s very true Jewels! And it’s always great to be reminded there are so many intelligent, genuine and kind-spirited women, like the badass indie ladies who are a part of this community :)