When Jewels wrote The Seedy Side of Friendship, I cringed – and I’ll admit, even teared up a bit. See, Jewels wrote about this person who would do anything for you. A person you could talk to about anything and who would have your back no matter what. Someone who would act now and ask questions later. While most of our readers read her article and fled to celebrate their friendships with their loved ones, I was one of the few who sat back and felt the hole in my heart widen just a bit. Because if I could, I would put out an ad, a personal, a… whatever you call it.. and I would say, “Hey. I’m looking for a friend.” I’m looking for that friend.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I have friends, I have many great friends. I have friends I have known for ever, and some even better ones I have only known virtually. But this isn’t about them..
See, my teen diaries were just like yours – filled with teen angst, confusion, and the mandatory Prince Charming checklist detailing my idea of a perfect guy. And while my romantic past is definitely a clusterfuck of pain, mistakes and lessons learned, I was lucky enough to find my Prince Charming and settle into my happily ever after sooner than later. The weird thing is, while many of my friends – and I do have friends – are still perfecting their soulmate checklist, I’ve been busy with a checklist of my own.
I moved 3,000 miles away from everything I’ve ever known. I miss Los Angeles, my family, and the life I spent over 20 years building. And despite the incredible virtual world I live in working online, the truth is I’m here alone.
So here’s a letter – or a classified, or a personal, or an ad, or whatever – that I would put into the newspaper to find that friend. It’s probably not the right format and if I did put it up, I wouldn’t get the kind of responses I’d hope for – but you get the point. Because while you daydream about playing house with your future husband and your idea of a perfect date, this is what I dream of: I dream of having that friend, here.
I’m Looking For a Friend
First off, you should know, I’m awkward, loud, sarcastic and outspoken. I act weird, laugh, and like to have deep conversations.
Chemistry’s important to me, see, we need to click. I don’t want to have to explain why I do the things I do, feel the way I feel, or say the things I say – you’re just supposed to get me.
I need to know I’m important to you… that you think of me. Surprises are a good way of showing it, like showing up unannounced on a random weeknight with a bottle of wine and a favorite chick flick. Bonus points if you love all things 90s. And I have an 18 month old, too, so when I get sick or want to pull my hair out from the standard motherhood induced frustration, you’re supposed to come help me – maybe take him to the park or watch him while I shower. He has to feel comfortable calling you Auntie.
‘I’ll take care of it, don’t worry’ needs to be said often.
You have to be funny because most of the time, laughter is the only thing that solves life’s problems – at least my life’s problems. But it has to be genuine, pee in your pants laughter. So you have to get my sense of humor and be okay talking about pee, sex and all things embarrassing.
Sometimes when I feel sick or exhausted, I joke that I feel like an entire football team ran a train on me and left me on the field to sleep it off. You have to laugh at that, not roll your eyes and get uncomfortable.
Ambition and drive are pretty important parts of my life, so you’ve gotta reflect that. It doesn’t matter how much money you have.
Don’t really care what you look like either, as long as you don’t treat your body like shit.
Lastly, I’m a work at home, stay at home mother and wife. I need someone who will take me out on a mandatory girls night, someone to run errands with and most importantly, someone to come over when I’m most in need.
Someone who can make me laugh with a glance, who’ll tell me I look fat, and who would stay up late with me telling secrets and sharing war stories.
Don’t worry, I’m a pretty great friend, too.
The hardest part of all this is admitting I’m lonely. I day dream about that friend like a teen girl daydreams about her perfect boyfriend. I ask myself, am I too old to find that kind of connection with someone? Much like a single older woman asks herself when looking for someone to spend the rest of her life with.
I have a best friend in CA, but we can only be as much as annual trips, texting and late night phone calls allow. Sometimes I feel I can’t be a good enough friend because I can’t run to her when she needs me and I wish I could be there for her, today and every other day. I should be there for her to run to and being apart from her chips away at that hole.
So for once, this piece isn’t as bright and cheerful as my others.. but I hope to have earned that.
Never underestimate the human need for companionship because no matter how incredible everything else is, without it rests a deep dark hole that cannot be filled. Because a woman needs a friend, that friend, to act now and ask later. A friend who will show up at her door, no matter the hour, ready to love, cherish and support her.
I’m hoping it’s not too late. And much like you day dream about bumping into your Prince Charming in the grocery store, I day dream about bumping into her.