http://www.leon56.org/Around%20Leon.htm

I Believe In Double Standards

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Q

I'm "old school." Being blessed with a two parent household as a child, I was raised with many traditional values from the Old South. Those things are becoming a lost art. Pride, responsibility, and accountability have been replaced with entitlement, dependency, and deflection.

These are the things that fuel the passion for my blog. I want to bring Old South values back to mainstream America. Yeah, that's the ticket.

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Is that wrong?  Does that make me a hypocrite?  Meh.  Maybe it does, but I’m okay with that.  At least in this case I am okay with having a double standard.  The case that I’m referring to is in regards to the treatment of women.

I’ve stated repeatedly on my blog and my radio show that I’m “old school.”  However, that doesn’t mean that I’m stuck in some quicksand of Neanderthal thinking.  It just means that I take values that have been passed down from decade-to-decade and I apply them to my modern-day world.  I especially do this when it comes to women.

How?  I’m glad that you asked!  I treat all women as intellectual equals and I promote the fact that they are just as capable, if not sometimes more capable, than a man when it comes to many things.  But, I also know how to appreciate and encourage her femininity.

Some women frown against even something as simple as having doors opened for them, but I think those types are very rare.  I think that a woman can be a leader and/or a role model, yet still not come off as something less than feminine.

Fellas, you can have the best of both worlds in a woman: a lady can be your equal, yet still feel like the gem that she is by you pulling out a chair or opening a door for her.  Chivalry isn’t dead, but it’s on life support.  It’s up to us to revive it.  It needs to be taught to boys so they retain that line of thinking once they become adults.  It also needs to be taught to girls so that they may set their expectations high and accept nothing less once they mature.

  • Don’t think that just because a woman wants to be paid equally to a man for doing the same work that she doesn’t want a door held open.  That’s just stupid.  That’s just an excuse to not be a gentleman.  If she’s capable of producing the same results, then it’s only logical that she receives the same pay.
  • Don’t think that just because a woman is a single mother that she’s used to “wearing the pants” in her household.  She probably would love to have a man to compliment her and to be “the other half.”  Her independence should not be mistaken for being a man hater.  It doesn’t mean she wants to be alone.  It just means that she’s a survivor and is capable of doing it alone.
  • Don’t think that just because a woman may be the type to have dating options that she’s some sort of slut.  Dating multiple men doesn’t equal being promiscuous.  A woman with options is only promoting competition.  After all, most of us men tend to appreciate something after we’ve worked hard for it, right?  As long as she’s honest in telling you that she’s weighing her options, then don’t try and slut shame her.

There are so many guys who look for every opportunity to not do something for a woman.  These younger generations of boys thrive on “thirsty” women willing to do whatever it takes to keep from being lonely.  These guys will even go as far as to allow a woman to take care of them.  Really, dude?

You label yourself as a “man” when you can’t even take care of yourself?  Now, I’m not referring to someone who maybe has health concerns or is really just down on his luck with today’s economy.  I’m referring to the ones who don’t even try.  Like the car-less guy who drops his woman off at work only to return home and play video games.  Or the guy who eats up all of her groceries with no intentions of replacing them.  Maybe it could be the guy who uses his woman sexually without any thoughts of attempting to satisfy her.  Sometimes, these guys are one in the same.  SMH.

Treating a woman equally doesn’t make you less of a man.  It makes you more of a man.  It also goes a long way towards her treating you as a one, too.  We guys are to respect women as equals in many, many facets of life.  But, don’t ever forget that sometimes, you have to know how to make a woman feel like a woman.  Protect her.  Encourage her.  Satisfy her.  Love her.

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  • Beverly

    I agree with your article.and enjoyed it on many levels. There is something nice about men being gentlemen. I think that society as a whole in many cases have forgotten about manners. It seems that please,thank you or a simple greeting when you walk in the room are things of the past. There is nothing wrong with anyone holding a door for anyone else. A little kindness and respect goes a long way.

    • http://www.Talk2Q.com Q

      Thank you, Beverly. I agree with you that the world as a whole has forgotten all about being kind. If we looked out for one another like we did decades ago, then things would be so much better. It’s something that’s rarely even being taught to kids these days. So many people are being taught to take care of self.

  • http://adventuresinestrogen.blogspot.com Lady Estrogen

    Yes, I agree with Q as well on this one.
    I don’t know if all of it qualifies as “double standards” – I just think it’s polite and respectful.
    If I see someone’s coming in somewhere behind me, I make sure to keep the door open for them, regardless of gender, and I don’t even know them. So it’s nice when a man shows even more respect for me when he’s MY man, ya know?

    • http://www.talk2q.com/ Q

      Hey, Lady E! There definitely be a respect level involved. A man should not just respect women, but he should take pride in displaying that respect. It’s not “looking soft” to submit yourself to a task that’s pleasing to others, but some look at it that way. And, you’re right. It is just polite and respectful to do things of that sort.

    • http://gonnadoitlater.blogspot.com Brandi

      I agree that “double standards” was not a good fit. This was not at all the article I was expecting to read, and that makes me immensely happy. Thanks for sharing Q!

      • http://www.talk2q.com/ Q

        Thank you, Brandi! I’m glad the title caught your attention, but the post didn’t disappoint you!

  • http://myfittblog.com Veronica

    Oh, Q, Q, Q, Q, Q… Your brain is right on the money! More men should learn your perspective. Bravo, sir! Bravo! I LOVE your writing. Thank you so much for sharing.

    • http://www.talk2q.com/ Q

      Thanks, Veronica! I appreciate it! I just try to express some of the old school values that I was taught. There aren’t enough people doing that these days. I make my god son (10 yrs old) hold the car door open for his little sister (6). He used to complain about it, but now it’s second nature. He does it automatically and she expects him to do so. More people should instill that in kids.

  • Rene

    Equality is important for everyone. I think more than chivalry, we should just think about being polite. I gladly open doors for men, and I hope they would for me. Women like respect.

    • http://gonnadoitlater.blogspot.com Brandi

      I agree. I dated a guy that was such a “gentleman” that he shoved me out of his way to hold the door for me. He tried to make a point of being chivalrous, and he came off as rude. Both parties should be willing to give to the other. Whether it’s holding doors or folding laundry.

      • http://www.talk2q.com/ Q

        True, Rene. Respect is key, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making a woman feel like a woman. That could be from opening a door to insuring that she’s satisfied in bed. My main focus is to let guys know that it’s okay to cater to a woman sometimes. It may seem macho to “go for self,” but that will usually result in him being “by himself.” LOL!

  • Lynn Daue

    I loved this article and I agree wholeheartedly! Women L-O-V-E being treated like they are special, as long as they are also respected for the value that they bring into the world.

    Masculine and feminine are equal, opposite forces in the world. Men who ACT like men–chivalrous men, that is–usually have the happy happenstance of being met with the feminine–care, love, and devotion. Does that mean that these women are unequal? NO. It simply means that they’re bringing something else to the table.

    Kudos to you for being a real man, and to all the real men out there. May chivalry live.

    • http://www.talk2q.com/ Q

      Thank you, Lynn! I don’t think that I could have written it better myself. Excellent comment!

      • Lynn Daue

        Thanks and you’re welcome!

  • http://www.accordingtojewels.com Jewels

    Q, I agree this is more an article about chivalry but wow…I couldn’t agree more. Men are not “soft” because they care for a woman. They are not “pussy whipped” for holding doors, chairs, or jackets. I enjoy being made to feel like a lady by a man and don’t think less of him for doing so. Any man who finds that behavior to be a threat to his “manhood” is entirely too insecure and doesn’t deserve a woman like me.

    • http://www.talk2q.com/ Q

      Not many deserve a woman like you, Jewels! :)

      • http://www.accordingtojewels.com Jewels

        *blush*

  • http://www.youvebeenhooked.wordpress.com The Hook

    You’re a credit to our gender, Q.
    Great post. Well-written, articulate and unabashedly male. Personally, I believe in “old school” values as well and wish they weren’t so old, if you know what I mean.