There you are, standing in front of your mirror… again; pinching your love handles, turning to the side, and frowning at the awkward silhouette of your body. Fantastic. You’re two weeks into the new year and you still look like an overweight gargoyle. The winter doesn’t help either, adding an albino-like complexion and unmoisturized reptilian skin. How are you supposed to make this year any different?
Weightloss Starts in the Fridge
We’re not going to dive into the science of raping junkfood. What we are going to talk about is the fact comfort eating (crap) doesn’t do anything for you except guide you on the path towards self hatred. I know, donuts taste good; but do you have any idea what they’re doing inside you? Food exists for one reason:
Food is Fuel
So no, the phrase to jumpstart your weightloos is not You are fat. Food is fuel is supposed to trigger something inside that tubby, self indulgent head of yours. Write it on a piece of paper or your white board and permanently attach it to your fridge. Then, get rid of all the crap in it. You might have to do a major sweep and head to the grocery store for a complete do-over. Do it. Break your piggy bank if you must.
Whenever you get a craving for crap, take a deep breath and force yourself to acknowledge it. They say cravings pass within 15 minutes of their emergence. Damn, donut… you’d taste so sweet inside me. Next, it’s time to impliment the daily calorie intake rule: how many should you be eating to lose weight and still be healthy? (Calorie restriction leads to a whole mess of problems not worth the starvation) Let’s say your number is 1,800. You have 1,800 calories to help fuel your body for the day; that’s all food is meant to do.
If you really think about it, isn’t it kind of gross that they’re manufacturing all this fake crap to get into your wallets – and your thighs? If that doesn’t spark your desire to work towards weightloss we don’t know what will, but we’ll go on anyway.
If you’re junking on the couch and can’t stop yourself
Eat shit naked. It’s an ugly sight, and it’s not an image you’re likely to be proud of. It’ll help emphasize the fact you’re not eating to fuel, but instead are just indulging because ass-food is disgustingly addictive. I know it’s not the nicest advice I’ve ever given but really, you’re at a fork in the road: hate yourself now with the donut in your mouth, or hate yourself later with the donut in your thighs.
And just to be clear: I am completely against all eating disorders. I recognize them as mental illness and I do not, in any way, support calorie restriction. Food is fuel. This article is meant to show you the difference between opting for empty, destructive calories instead of reaching for things meant to naturally energize.
For more advice on kick starting your weight loss and maximizing your efforts read our special print edition magazine.