detox

Skinny on the 7 Day Detox Diet

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Kat

When Kat's not writing, cursing, or playing with anxiety filled pups, she is... Yeah, actually that about covers it. She's funny, outspoken, and the friend you wish you've always had.

Two months ago I decided to kick off the Spring a little healthier by trying the 7 Day Detox “Diet”. I put “diet” in quotes because I do not endorse this for weight loss, and I will tell you why at the end of the article. First, I’m going to breakdown the Detox day by day and let you know what you can expect.

Before you begin your Detox you need five things: fruits, vegetables, “Wonder Soup”, a modicum of self-loathing to put yourself through this hell and riot gear for those around you to protect them from your cranky detoxing ass. Wonder Soup is a kind of cabbage soup that you can eat on any day of the Detox. Make sure that you have these five things the day before you start your Detox.

Day One: Fruits

Day one wasn’t so bad at first because fruit is at least sweet so it kinda felt like eating dessert all day–at least it did until about 4pm and I realized that fruit isn’t that filling and I was fucking starving.  I made the mistake of not making the Wonder Soup ahead of time, so I was frantic to make it when I got home from work that evening. I nearly dove into the soup when it was finished.

Day Two: Vegetables

Remember that time you got completely shit-faced with your friend, Jewels, on a mixture of grain alcohol and Kool-Aid and how the next morning you felt like you had thrown yourself repeatedly down a flight of stairs? Yeah, that’s what you are going to feel like today. In case you have never overindulged in the noxious substance known as “Smurf”, I’ll break it down for you: you will wake up on Day Two feeling like fucking shit. The Detox has officially begun and you are in withdrawals, girlfriend. The Detox guidelines recommend starting the day with a baked potato and I nearly cried with joy at this happy surprise since I had not thought of tubers as vegetables. (I could blame this ditziness on the effects of the Detox, but honestly that’s about par for me.)

Day Three: Fruits and Vegetables

The initial shock to your system has worn off by Day Three, so you only feel like you threw yourself down a flight of stairs one time. It’s especially helpful that day three is both fruits and veggies so it almost feels like normal to have a salad and then fruit for dessert.

Day Four: Bananas and milk

You can eat up to eight bananas on this day, however this presented a personal challenge for me because I’m allergic to raw bananas. I got around my allergy by baking the bananas for about fifteen minutes and putting some cinnamon on them to chase it. I was more than happy to guzzle down two glasses of milk for breakfast and have three of my bananas. I had three more bananas while at work, and when I got home I really wanted the other two bananas that I was allowed to eat but I avoided them. I don’t care that the Detox allows eight bananas because eight just seems to be asking a lot of your intestines. I did slam down my third glass of milk though, so I drank a hell of a lot of liquid this day since the daily eight glasses of water still needed to be consumed.

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  • andrea

    I almost didn’t make it through day 1 (I’m just wrapping up day 2 which was so much better)… I literally threw up three times on day one. I felt like an addict or something, going through, like, REAL withdrawal! I had a headache almost all day, and then by early evening, got the cold sweats and felt the melon coming back up. I’m not going to touch that stupid melon on day 3… (maybe i got a funky melon. Who knows.)

    But you are so right on about that comment re: withdrawal. The potato this morning was the best potato I’ve ever eaten in my damn life. Bizarre and wonderful.

    • http://www.katoninetales.com Kat

      You might be allergic to the melon, too. I’d definitely stay away from it because something is not stirring the Kool-Aid there.

      The worst will be over now, so YOU GOT THIS, GIRL! Go you! =)

  • https://ondemand.thefitfem.com/ Online Gym Classes

    I believe the best way to lose weight and keep it off is through proper diet and exercise. Detox methods are good for jump starting weight loss efforts, but they won’t keep weight off. It’s important after the detox to exercise and eat right

  • Mondo

    Hey,

    I loved your article and it was very funny. My fiance got this detox thing through a friend at work and she wants to try it out, with me as support. But the thing is, is that Im too chicken shit to try it with her. Im a guy who likes his food and have been trying to eat better, actually we both have but, Ive been jogging and she really doesn’t have time because of her job, so we figured this would be a good start. At least on our way to eating better. What do you recommend on how to approach this and especially, for a dude who is being a little bitch about it.??

  • Bree

    Hey,

    I love you straight forward, no beating around the bush post, wow thank you, I’m convince now I know it’s going to be hard but I wanted to here the results and opinions straight up.
    I just know this thing is going to be hard but I like how you gave full examples, and how I’ll have withdrawals because I’m telling you someone it’s my potatoes or bananas I going full throttle on their ass!lol!

    Thank you again,

    Bree
    Visit my blog I’m a new beginner but I’m starting off showing my struggle with weight loss and boyfriends opinion as a average size girl!

  • Maddy

    Hey I just started this today and had a question. I made the soup and had a little for dinner… was I not supposed to eat the veggies in it since its day one? Did I already mess up??

  • madisonhj_9

    Hi my name is Maddy and I started this yesterday. On day 5 can I have salad or other veggies with the tomatoes? Or just tomatoes? Thanks!

  • http://doarcarti.wordpress.com Ande G.

    Hey,

    Let me tell you this was the funniest detox article I’ve read in years (actually, I haven’t read that many). Nonetheless, I kept this… diet, and was exactly as you said, I even read daily to see if I have the same symptoms. Turns out I did. Anyway, I lost 6 pounds just in that week, and after that 3 pounds once every 3-4 days. I ate normally after that week, but the pounds kept on running from me. It was awesome! Never want to do it again!

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  • Brooke

    I am SO glad to find your post! My fiancé wanted to try this when I told him about it so we just started today. I have been worried about day 4 because I too am allergic to bananas. I will definitely try baking them for 15 minutes!
    Great post! Thanks for the info!

  • http://fuschiaconfessions.wordpress.com/ fuschiaconfessions

    I was actually reading about the Juice fast and saw the link to this post…. Do you have a link to the official guidelines for the 7 Day Detox? Thanks!

  • Nadz

    Thank you for the post! But I have a question. We can drink water daily right?
    How about detox water? Which includes lemon, cucumber and mint leaves? Is this ok to have along with this detox diet

  • http://www.7day-detoxdiet.com 7 day detox diet

    Hallo my name is Karlin. Thank you for the post, wonderfull article. I just started this today

  • Nadz

    Please reply back. I’m hoping to start this as soon as you get back to me thanks

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  • Tai

    I gained weight while eating through my depression. I tried this detox to get back on track with healthy eating and I actually lost 10 pounds in 3 days. I am on day four of bananas and I’m full because I also do the soup.

  • http://www.theindiechicks.com Amelia Osaru

    This article is very funny and made me laugh.I have done this diet twice before and of all the symptoms,the headache is the bitch for me.its a side head pain that does your “head” in.BUT of all the detox/diet I have done,this is the one most worth the torment because you do lose weight,5kg,In my case and it took me like 3months decadent living to put it back on.I recommend it but beware that is a very loooong week.I start again tomorrow.please wish me luck !!

  • Anna

    I tried this a few months ago, and it was awful! I only lost 5 lbs by the end and that was just water weight. Also I felt so deprived on this diet that as soon as the 7 days were over I lost control of my eating habits and ended up gaining 8 lbs which I have not managed to loose. I was completely miserable the entire time and now I weigh more then when I started. I would not recommend this to anyone.

  • Kelsey

    Hi!
    Im going to do thw detox next week to jump start my diet!
    What do you think about light workouts during the detox?
    Is it recommended? Or no because of how your body reacts to the detox?
    Also is there any certain recipie for the wonder soup?
    Please reply!
    Thanks!

  • Lisa

    Im on day two of this detox diet and it is brutal. I wish you could at least have a piece of chicken daily lol. I was so hungry day one. today not as bad but as soon as I smell what my husband is cooking for dinner the hunger pains return. I am hoping to shed a few pounds and feel healthier after this. I hope I too can take away a healthier way of eating form this. Any tips for stir fry? did you use olive oil on your salads?

  • http://thedetoxspecialist.com/blog Sandy Halliday

    Milk on a detox diet? No way! Certainly not cow’s milk. Raw organic maybe. Almond or coconut would be so much better.