It’s day 3 of the juice fast, but I won’t tell you about day 3 yet.. I have to tell you about yesterday.
I woke up with a headache that seemed to echo throughout my entire skull. When I opened my eyes, I couldn’t believe I had made it out of day 1 alive. The idea that I lived through it without reaching for medicine seemed abstract; a concept I couldn’t grasp.. no matter how hard I tried.
7:00 am – Pleasant surprise: I could hold water down. I drank a full glass and made a carrot juice.
I stayed up until 9 or so, made an oranje juice and went to take a nap to try and rid myself of the headache.
12pm – Apple, spinach, celery and cucumber juice.
2:00 pm - laid back down and slept until about 4.
I don’t know why, but I couldn’t get rid of the headache. It was completely different than the one from day 1… But when 5:30 hit and I had to cook dinner for baby Luca… the headache and the nausea amplified. I didn’t want the food, I just wanted the pain to go away. I was in bed with Luca by 7pm, with a cold rag on my forehead and hope for a better tomorrow.
The entire day, I fought the need to run to the medicine cabinet. I kept telling myself my body knew how to heal and that I was only depriving it of toxins and flooding it with nutrients. It was as if there was a complete disconnect with the way my mind and body were working. Having to absorb the pain was the scariest thing I have done since Luca was born.
Taking 6-8 pain killers a day is not something I want in my life.
What got me through these 2 days of rock bottom? Listening to my baby playing upstairs and imagining being healthy enough to play with him. Watching the video of him playing in the snow with Jason and his parents.. while I laid in bed, knowing that if I didn’t fight… that if I didn’t hold on.. I would miss so many more of those days.
In the past 2 days, I have gone without coffee, medicine and cigarettes.. and my body literally lost control. I never understood how fasting could be a ‘spiritual’ experience.. but I swear, when you find yourself this rock bottom, left with only you to pull you out… you never question spirituality again.
Tips: Have someone as amazing as Jason by your side to help with pep talks and juice making. If you’re not so lucky, prepare 2 juices at a time and store the second one in air tight container. You get the best benefits drinking immediately after juicing so try not to store for an entire day. Clean and peal your veggies and fruits and store them in a zip lock
Spoiler alert: Middle of Day 3.. and I’m alive again.