We all have enemies, frenemies, or people we would rather not spend time with. What about people you are just acquaintances with? Maybe you’ve connected on Facebook even though you haven’t talked for years. Nowadays our “friend” circles are getting larger and larger. The people we connect with has grown leaps and bounds with our connections on the internet. The IC family is just that, my family, and I love you all.
But, what if I suddenly update my Facebook status to “engaged”? Should I be inviting my internet family? How about my blog friends, people that I connect with daily but don’t see regularly? Where do you draw the line when making the guest list? It causes a lot of anxiety for people and “cutting” people feels mean even though it is necessary. A lot of couples are paying for their own weddings, planning later in life and smaller weddings, or just trying to work within a reasonable budget. Whatever the reason weddings are getting smaller and even large ones have a limit. Not everyone can attend and they’ll have to understand, right? Then I heard about a trend that took cutting the guest list to a new level. The anti-invite has reared its ugly head and while it’s not a huge trend, it exists and that’s enough. The anti-invite is when you send your “friends” a card letting them know that they are not invited to your wedding or special event. Let that sink in a second. Going out of your way to let somebody know they cannot come to your wedding.
Dear Aunt Claire,
By now you know that Blake and I are deeply in love and celebrating that by getting married this August. Unfortunately, space is limited and since we’ve never been incredibly close, you will not be invited to attend.
The reason for this anti-invite is so you know your invite did not get lost in the mail but rather that no invite is going to be coming. We know you’ll understand and wish us well on our marriage and life of happiness together.
With Love (but not too much love), Teresa and Blake
What better way to start a life of love, understanding, and unity than by telling your not close enough family and friends that they can’t come to your special day. What is wrong with these people? Why not just send out the invitations and deal with the fall out of questions about guest lists later? Why go out of your way to upset people? It seems so… wrong.
As if this wasn’t enough the new trend of “rude brides” has enlisted something even more offensive (in my opinion). What could be worse than that, you ask? The “B List” is worse, by far. This is where couples let you know that you didn’t quite make the guest list but that you are on the wait list. Yes, you heard me right, the wait list. So, they ask people to keep the date open, get an outfit ready, and maybe even a gift just in case room opens up.
In this situation the “B lister” would be contacted if a first string invite couldn’t make it and space opened up. Isn’t that generous of the couple? The original article that I read stated that the “B list” guests still went to the wedding when they were called off the bench. What? I can see very few situations where I’d be okay being on a “wait list” and it would only be if it was a new friend, a distant or old friend, or a sibling of a friend.
I don’t expect to be invited to every wedding or special event planned by people I know. In fact, I never assume that I am invited, to anything. This isn’t a self-esteem issue it’s just the way I operate. I wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t invited but I sure as shit would be pissed off if they spent money and went out of their way just to inform me that I wasn’t.
What are your thoughts on this new trend? Would you ever send an anti-invite? How would you react if you were on the receiving end of one or were told you were on a wedding wait list?
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