bartender

Why Your (Good) Bartender is Smarter Than You

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

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I bet you’re wondering why I would make such a bold statement, and whether I’m ready to back it up. The truth is, having been a bartender, I am beyond certain this statement holds true… for most of you. So why, exactly, is a your bartender smarter than you?

4 Kickass Skills You May Not Have

She Can Count

While you’re enjoying your delicious margarita and slurring your words as you bitch about your shitty job, she’s carefully crafting your next drink. Ever gotten a drink that tasted like shit? That bartender probably couldn’t count. Pour counts are proportional to ounces in the drink’s recipe, and when done correctly the result can send chills of pleasure down your spine.

She Can Multitask

Obviously, this doesn’t necessarily scream ‘intelligence’ but you have to give the girl credit for being able pour two bottles with one hand while simultaneously pouring a beer AND entering your order into the computer. Even when doing all of this on autopilot, your bartender has perfected each maneuver and is able to perform it with style.

She Has Remarkable Social Skills (And is a Fabulous Actress)

Your bartender is able to connect with you, listen to you, and often times offer valuable advice when you’re most in need. She’s able to adapt to the different groups of customers and be able to switch back and forth in conversations.

Another thing about bartenders, sorry to break this to you, is that they’re usually ‘acting the part’ – and they’re good at it. If you need to be talking to a flirt, she’s able to flirt. If you need her to be an attentive listener, she can shut her mind off and coordinate the correct responses to everything you spit her way. Most bartenders find a persona that works best, and they stick to it.

She Can Put Up With Your Shit (& Make Fun of You Later)

You know where you’re an asshole to your bartender and you think you’re hilarious? Most bartenders aren’t stupid and they’re definitely not doormats. Most will only risk getting written up (or fired) if you really piss them off. Once, this asshole snapped his fingers in my face and said, “Hey Boobs. Some service, please?”. He was sorry he opened his mouth.

Holding your shit together when some jerk comes to treat you like shit cause his boss did the same to him is a really admirable quality that doesn’t get the praise it deserves.

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  • http://accordingtojewels.com/ AccordingtoJewels

    I have encountered horrible bartenders at times but when you hit on a FANTASTIC bartender it can make even the most grungy of dive bars your go to spot. A great bartender makes the experience or breaks it a lot of times. My friends and I have a bar we frequent because the male and female bartenders are great. They are the right mix of flirty, fun, and kick ass, plus the drinks are strong and the live music is usually great. Knowing we’ll always have a good time because the bartenders are great is a huge motivator to always hitting that one spot.

    Not only is your good bartender smart they are smart for business! Just saying. Chiara, you’ve said it before to me, and I’ll mention it again here. A bartender with psychology in their background is a wise choice. You end up being a therapist, friend, confidant, and sex object all at once. I don’t think I could do it…fuck that…I know I could…I just don’t want to! :) I’ll leave it to the pro’s.

  • http://bluenotebacker.wordpress.com @bluenotebacker

    Dangit! You mean that attractive, friendly, interested-in-everything-I-had-to-say bartender wasn’t actually waiting for me to ask for her phone number?? ;)

    I definitely enjoy flirting but I try to keep a realistic approach. I’m a nice guy, but usually I just want my drinks to taste good, or my Guinness to be poured the right way lol

  • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara

    @bluenote – There’s no amount of flirting that would justify a poorly poured Guinness or a shitty tasting drink. The flirting is meant to ENHANCE, not EXCUSE! :) And you’re right, you do sound like a nice guy!

  • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara

    @Jewels – SO Right! A bartender makes or breaks the experience. I love being able to laugh and connect with one, it’s a temporary new best friend!