There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just go ahead and spill it. Your website is killing me!
I’m cruising the Internet on this sleepy Sunday afternoon, and all I wanted was to get to know you and find out more about what you’re offering but instead I got this:
Your Website Sucks Because:
Poor Load Times
I’ve been waiting for your website to load for 10 seconds and all I’m getting is angry and frustrated. You know, 10 seconds to me feels like an eternity. Come on now! There’s 20 gazillion other virtual shops that are open to take my money. Why aren’t you?
And then you reward me for my time with…
Obnoxious “Like My Page or Else!” Pop Ups
Must I like your Facebook page by force? I don’t even know what your blog is about yet. I know all the cool kids are doing it but hopefully they too will figure out that no one cares about their Facebook page – well not yet anyway.
If I like what you’re dishing out then maybe I’ll consider allowing you to take up space in my news feed, I don’t just read anything you know. And for the love of ice cream, stop acting like the needy kid who’d sell his soul to make a friend.
When I finally find a way to close that box I realize…
The Shock Treatment
If I wasn’t awake before, I sure am now! So I’ll give you props for this splashy surprise element. Why must you saturate my screen with a noisy background that has me reaching for my sunglasses?
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Need I remind you that we’re no longer in the 60’s and technicolor tie-dye, or dark and gloomy anything, is no longer stylish nor does it allow anything layered upon it to be read. Period.
But then you startle me with yet another surprise…
Your Mobile Version Sucks
I know you read somewhere that you should cut your content down and leave things like sidebar content and pop up ads out of your mobile design but seriously? Literally cutting a web page in half vertically? I’m sure that’s not what they meant.
If you want to avoid that mobile bounce rate of 100%, then enlist the help of a simple plugin or call your designer to get that sorted.
And if that wasn’t bad enough you give me…
Let’s not forget that I came to your website to be helped, not injured! It is just good manners to warn me or let me choose whether I’d like to listen to your music before your site loads. Let’s just say, I now travel the web on mute…
And then you hit me with a double whammy…
Itty-Bitty, Teeny-Weeny, Pale Text
Let me remind you, I’m a little pissed by this stage so I wouldn’t usually bother trying to read anything that small or anemic until I noticed….