silence the asshole

Silence the Asshole Inside Your Head

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

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You’re nothing. She’s better. You don’t deserve him. You’re not good enough. You’re fat. You’re weak. Nice try, but everyone can see through you.

No matter the situation, there is an asshole who lives inside your head. Whether it’s a voice telling you you’re ugly or weak, silence the asshole for good.

Why It’s There

This voice sounds a lot like every other sound buzzing in your head. It mentally maps out your to-do list and can easily be mistaken for the voice of your subconscious. Take a deep breath of release, though — it’s only your biggest cheerleader who needs a major attitude adjustment.

Just like the friend who doesn’t know how to pay a compliment without being condescending, the voice inside means well. Positive reinforcement and lovey-dovey-mommy-loves-you works the majority of the time, but the truth is that the human mind is a lot more complicated. Sometimes we need a kick in the ass to get us up and moving towards accomplishing our goals.

Embrace It for What It Is

Instead of taking things literally, embrace the voice for vocalizing the things you need to hear, but don’t give it all the weight in the final decision. There are times that, yes, you might have gained some weight and although you may be comfortable sitting on your ass and stuffing twinkies in your mouth, the truth is you could lose a few pounds.

When the asshole is telling you that you should have gotten that promotion instead of the ass licking coworker, it’s the kick in the ass to do something about it. Whether you approach your boss for a re-evaluation of your progress, or quit and find someone who appreciates your hard work, is up to you. Whatever you do, don’t take the voice telling you that she’s better than you literally, because 9 times out of 10, it’s not true. (And hey, if she’s working harder than you, get to work so you can score the next promotion!)

Accepting the voice as broadcasting what you “need’”to hear doesn’t necessarily mean the message itself is always clear. “You’re not worth it” is a message that is never true. Instead, you should embrace the voice as saying you need to boost your self esteem because those words should never, ever, haunt you and if they’re there, something needs to be done to fix it.

Take the Time, Transform It, Then Silence It

As easy as it would be to live in a pink cloud, surrounded by butterflies, life is often dark, filled with shadows of doubt and negativity. Your job here isn’t to ignore the voice and live in a world of denial, rather, it’s to take control of the things the voice says. More importantly, take control of the way you interpret them.

Do everything you can to turn “You can’t do it.” to “You can’t do it. Prove me wrong. Go through each ounce of doubt, each sentence of negativity, and transform it into a challenge. Take your time, make a list, and really get to the root of each statement. Why do I think I need him? He’s a cheater, a liar and an emotional abuser. Why do I feel like my work isn’t worthy? Am I not performing? Stop the thoughts and try to analyze things as rationally as possible.

Once you sift through everything this asshole voice is saying to try to get you down, you will inevitably be left with a group of inexplicable piece of shit statements you won’t be able to target, transform, and interpret in any positive “challenge-like” light. This is the group of things to silence.

It may seem hard at first because this list will obviously be the most painful to face. The truth is, while you’re busy conquering every other negative vibe, you’ll feel stronger and more capable of hushing the inexplicable ones.

The Truth about the Voice

Much like most things in your life, you have more control over this voice than you know. It’s easy to listen to and become its slave without realizing it. It’s easy to hear negativity and to think it’d be easier to give up. Hey, what’s another fucking twinkie? I’ve already had 10.

Unfortunately, the longer you let it speak, the louder it will get, and the harder it’ll be to kick its ass. Remember you are strong and that life is about perception: you decide how you view things, no one is going to come rescue you from your sad situation. Get up and fix shit so you can look back and say, “You know what? I used to think I couldn’t do it, I used to think I was weak. Well, I fucking proved myself wrong and I’m ready for whatever the world throws my way!”

What do you do to silence the asshole voice in your head?

Image Credit: Shutterstock

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  • http://accordingtojewels.com/ AccordingtoJewels

    I’ve shut her up for the most part. It’s been a while since she has reared her ugly head and I’m more than okay with that. I appreciate your take on this SO much. It’s not a “never listen to it”, because you are right, sometimes she is helping even if it sucks hearing what she has to say.

    I love that you continue to wow me with your pieces! that is all.

  • http://weezafish.blogspot.com/ WeezaFish

    Oo I have a friend who so needs to read this right now (I’ll be sharing …) she gives that negative voice inside her way too much weight at times. Awesome viewpoint as always Chiara, I love your inspirational posts, they inspire :)

  • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara

    Thanks, Weeza! PLEASE do pass it along! :) (I think we all give her too much of a say, sometimes)

  • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara

    Jewels, that ugly head pops up often for all of us.. I think embracing it IS important; you just have to have the power to silence it and override it when you need to. Thank you for always making me feel like what I write makes sense… I often times want to bang my head against the wall because I feel I’m the only one who feels this way!

  • http://justmewith.com Roxanne

    I have a ongoing issue with this, and depression. But I’d like to share a practical tip that has helped me lately. I actually write down what the voice is saying, longhand. It seems to take the power away, I see the patterns, and it’s easier to ignore it. It’s kinda like bad customer service: I’ll take down your stupid complaints because you are sitting in front of me, but then I’ll completely ignore you and your rants, stupid jerk in my head.

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara

      Roxanne, I definitely see the benefit of writing it down and I’m so sorry about the ongoing battle with the asshole. To a certain degree, everyone is at constant war and it’s important to stay on top of it and to keep control over the power you give it. It will never go away completely, because I truly believe there is a reason it’s there – sometimes, it’s there to challenge us. Remind yourself you are stronger than it and that you dictate your life. And for the things that just won’t go hush, tell them to fuck off once they’re on paper.

  • https://ondemand.thefitfem.com/ Online Gym Classes

    We are our own worst enemies. We have to try our best to conquer our negative thoughts and believe in ourselves. Quiet that inner asshole!

    • Divorced Kat

      Yes, but also pay attention in case it’s got a valid point…!