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Be Bold and Beautiful—It’s Okay

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

Latest posts by Chiara Mazzucco (see all)

We talk about self-esteem a lot here: knowing your worth, self-esteem reinvention, and dealing with the asshole living inside your head. We talk about needing to believe in ourselves, love ourselves, and find ourselves worthy of improvement. There is, however, one touchy subject we haven’t really played with yet: being scared to be bold and beautiful because of what others may think or say about you.

I have a naturally outgoing personality and I am a very outspoken individual. Yes, I have had issues with authority. I’m also considered to be a fairly attractive young woman. That’s right, I said it. Go ahead and call the conceit train…CHOO CHOO.

The truth is, when I was younger, my battle wasn’t really to become prettier (although I had my fair share of beauty lessons like not shaping my eye brows into horse shoes and not cutting my own bangs – things I did up until my freshman year in high school). My problem was blending in more, because when the boys like you, you become a target. 

‘But OMG, at least boys liked you! I hid in my closet with a side pony tail my entire adolescence.” 

Right. What I would have given to tie my hair to the side and sit in darkness instead of showing up at school, having my life threatened, tuna sandwiches thrown at my head, and hit with ridiculous pieces of gossip every morning, claiming I had given 10 guys blow-jobs at the same exact time. Physically impossible? Apparently not, according to my entire school. 

Though the days of being bullied are far behind me, I had to go through a lot on my path of self-discovery to accept being ‘attractive’ and to voice my opinion without fear of being ridiculed. I had to keep my tone steady when standing up for something I believed in and had to keep my chest out, even if my boobs showed more.

So yes, pretty people get bullied, too. (And we’ll be devoting a lot of time to girl on girl hate.)

As grown ups, the path to self discovery doesn’t end – it’s just a new, just-as-bumpy road we have yet to track miles on. You are still trying to become someone; whether it’d be in the workplace, on the scale, or to your brand new lover, we are all still trying to improve. Don’t let others limit your experimentation as you go down this road.

You want to test out some crazy new make up, add some fake lashes and perhaps even show a bit of side boob?

As long as you’re doing it for you, rather than to get some sort of reaction from those around you, then go ahead and fucking do it. You owe it to yourself to be bold.

Define the Lines before You Set Sail

Showing a little bit of boob is different than having your tits out. Letting go of the fear that women will hate you because their men are looking at your little bit of boob is different than plopping them on the dinner table while sucking on a banana. You need to set your own boundaries and then make your move. What are you comfortable with? You don’t have to suddenly start wearing make up or speaking up first in a classroom if that’s now what you’re comfortable with. Maybe you just want to be able to show up at a male dominated meet-up on a subject that you’re interested in. Maybe you just want to start wearing heels around the office, and you want to ignore the fact the majority of women wear sneakers. You need to decide what you want and what you’re comfortable with. Period. Then it’s really all for you. 

You’re Not Doing This for Them, You’re Doing This for You

As long as you stay true to who you are and your journey, don’t be ashamed of standing out, of stepping on anyone’s toes, and that maybe one time you may become the object of a friend’s boyfriend’s masturbation party. Chill out, it happens. 

When I was younger, I decided to hide who I was and the young woman I was becoming because I didn’t want other girls to dislike me and say bad things about me. It didn’t all have to do with my looks, either. My personality was naturally bold and it intimated them so much, they felt they needed to put me in my place by bullying me. So I curled up, looked down, and lowered my personality to a whisper.

The truth is, I should have been devoting that time to accepting who I was, being true to my path, and building the armor of self-esteem I would need for the rest of my life. It took me a long time to realize my life was my own and I was in charge of my self-definition.

So don’t be afraid to look good, to feel good, and to show it. Don’t let someone’s insecurity stunt your self-development.

For more badass inspiration get our print edition of the Indie Chick magazine

Image Credit: Shutterstock

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  • http://accordingtojewels.com/ AccordingtoJewels

    Love love love. I wasn’t naive enough to think pretty girls aren’t bullied but when you are the overweight and every guys friend instead of girlfriend…well it’s hard to see past your own pain at that age. #stopgirlongirlhate is right! Love that hash tag and love you!!!

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      I know. It’s hard to see it as an isolated reality when society ‘umbrella’ bullies overweight kids. No one realizes the power of the masses… They did not want me in that school and most girls made sure to make it a nightmare for me.

  • http://ctam28.blogspot.com CrazyTragicAlmostMagic

    Chiara, I love this. I was lucky. I was never teased or bullied. You’d think with a name like mine I would have been, but again, I was lucky. So many women don’t believe in themselves and embrace themselves for fear of what other women will think of them. We need to stop putting each other down and instead build each other up. So what if Marlene’s boobs are bigger, or if all the guys seem to be interested in Monica. I have my own gifts and talents.

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      Yeah, unfortunately we don’t really think like that when we’re in school… and even more unfortunate is the fact it’s such an important time! PS – I love your name, so fuck ‘em.

  • http://www.accordingtojewels.com Jewels

    I JUST saw this article a couple hours ago and wanted to link to it for everyone. This is a prime example of why we NEED to #stopgirlongirlhate!

    http://gawker.com/5954977/slut+shamed-staten-island-teen-tweets-i-give-up-before-jumping-in-front-of-subway-train

    This is NOT okay.

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      This shit drives me CRAZY.. One of the most near and dear causes I want to help campaign for.

      • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

        Or against. You get it.

  • http://justmewith.com Roxanne

    I was bullied too, rumors spread about all the guys I was doing when I wasn’t, had never, done anyone. It came from boys and girls in different ways, but it was because I was different and I’ll say it too– pretty — and successful in school — smart. I had things thrown at me, too, insults, rumors and pennies (they hurt like hell). Anyway, I still carry emotional scars from that crap. I still did what I wanted, but I feared having my name on any kind of list or poster, because of what the kids would write next to it. I guess that explains why I get a bit anxious at first when I see that I’ve gotten a comment on my blog. Though I’m happy that people read what I write, the 13-through 18-year-old in me is still afraid of what people will write about me, because of the haters I had all those years ago. Whatever.

    • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

      I totally get that. A lot of those girls have apologized to me and added me on FB and treat me wonderfully now… but what happened then will never be forgotten because, like it or not, it played a large role in my adolescence. I had my life threatened so much, I was scared to go to school. And I am feeling lucky it was tuna sandwiches and not pennies because I can’t imagine having those thrown at me. I will say I have memories of other random objects being thrown my way while I walked down the hall.

  • http://weezafish.blogspot.com/ WeezaFish

    Can I tell you how much I love you every time I comment, or is that a little weird?! “Letting go of the fear that women will hate you because their men are looking at your little bit of boob is different than plopping them on the dinner table while sucking on a banana.” Totally floored me man! Took me a full five minutes to compose myself enough to sit back at my desk and comment. WHY do girls do this? Because of their own insecurities, see how daft that is? Some girls attack each other when in fact, if they got together and shared their experiences they’d realise they’re all going through the same shite. What a great idea for a website, a community of sharing non back-stabbing women … oh, look where we are :) I remember once at school being shouldered by an older girl while she muttered “slut” at me. I was barely 13 and hadn’t even got past snogging yet! She fancied the son of a really good friend of my MUMS and was jealous that we all got to spend time together in the school holidays. So I was “SLUT!” every time she saw me for about two years of High School. WTF??!! I thought the guy was a jerk myself.

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  • http://www.mycyberhouserules.com/ Marie Nicole

    Oddly enough, I always associated good looks with self esteem. I assumed that if I were prettier I’d feel better about myself, so I compensated with humor and being the classroom clown. I never – in a million years – would have thought you’d had self esteem issues. It’s such an ongoing battle, and just when I think I’ve overcome the monsters from within one creeps out and bites me.

  • http://joannerambling.wordpress.com/ Jo-Anne

    I am not a beautiful woman but I am not ugly either I am just an average looking woman like most of the population it has taken a while but I am happy with who I am at long last