What a woman needs

What a Woman Needs – 20 Non-Negotiables

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Chiara Mazzucco

CEO, Editor-in-Chief at The Indie Chicks, Inc
Chiara got her start in the blogosphere by dishing out reality slaps on her dating and relationship blog. The brutal honesty that became her signature tone earned her the badass reputation she needed to get The Indie Chicks magazine up and running. She is also a web designer and author of The 9 Mirages of Love. Driven, stubborn, and wildly ambitious, she won’t stop until she is the perfect, self-empowered role model for all of her readers.

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A woman wears a thousand hats – mother, lover, friend, colleague, sister, daughter – and it’s while wearing those hats that she needs to be strong, indestructible, loving, caring, bold and more. Society needs her to be and behave a certain way. What society fails to realize, however, is that she, too, has needs. Such needs, of course, differ based on the individual and while many included in the list below may be up for argument, I want to share with you 20 of my own non-negotiables. 20 Things I’ve realized I cannot live without after being deprived of them on and off for about 12 months. 20 Things that are part of a much longer list of what a woman needs – of what this woman needs.

What a Woman Needs – 20 Non-Negotiables

1. Passion, Drive, Goals

It’s amazing how, no matter how much money she’s making, apart from some well deserved mini vacations, she’s still living paycheck to paycheck when she’s not doing what she loves. What a woman needs is to have a passion, set goals and have the drive to achieve them. The sense of self fulfillment that flows through a woman’s veins when she has something else to live for is reason enough to get out of bed, even when nothing else makes sense. When boyfriends break your heart, bosses are pricks, the weather sucks, and your neighbors bang lounder than great apes, there is something incredible about having control over your own life. Having goals is bigger than love, it’s about you and having the power and a sense of purpose. A woman needs a sense of purpose.

2. Friendship and Genuine Laughter

If you’re lucky enough to have friends, don’t take them for granted. And I’m not talking about ‘friends’, I’m talking about real friends. The kind of friends who know you inside and out, who accept you, support you, and show up at your door with a movie and wine when you’re having a shit day. What a woman needs is the kind of friend they can laugh with, uncontrollably; who they can act silly with, scream and sing out of cars with. Friends who will be there on the bright happy days, the dark days, and the days covered in absolute shit.

3. Confidence

So many factors play into a woman having confidence, but it doesn’t make it any less important or any less attainable. A woman needs to believe in herself because when life gets dark and no one else is around, she needs to be strong enough to pick herself up. It doesn’t matter how strong of a support system she has around her, no “You can do it!” will ever be loud enough if “I can’t do it” is ever spoken, even in a whisper. What a woman needs is to believe in herself, her abilities and her existence. Get it anywhere you can and watch your world get a little bit easier with a little more confidence on your side. Boost your self esteem.

4. An ear {A self-less, objective perspective}

As much beauty, strength and support your close family and friends can bring to the table, what a woman needs is to have an objective option available. Two reasons make this a non-negotiable: 1) You need someone who isn’t afraid to hurt your feelings and whose honest words won’t cut you quite as deep as they would if they were coming from someone closer to you and 2) Whether you realize it or not, it can be a lot easier being honest to a stranger. So for the sake of honesty, get a second opinion on whatever you’re going through in life. (That’s why bartenders, therapists and delayed flights exist – open up)

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  • http://accordingtojewels.com/ AccordingtoJewels

    I sat for a bit trying to find the right words for this comment. This list made me smile so much. I loved it. It reminded me of all I do to keep myself happy and all I need to remind myself of sometimes. I will be bookmarking this for my “blue” days.

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

      Thank you so much for letting this post affect you in that way – it’s exactly what I had intended. Things that are so easily forgotten or often taken for granted… Take them away for 12 months and your world shatters into unrecognizable pieces.

  • http://chaosandwords.wordpress.com/ Ashley

    Chiara! I’m with Jewels on this – what an amazing list! So true in many, many ways. Each item made me nod my head. I’m bookmarking this list as a reminder for when I’m down, frustrated, lost, or sad – whatever the case may be. I think this list is spot on, and every woman should keep it as inspiration. Great job with this piece! Love love love.

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

      Thanks, Ashley! I’m so glad this hit home.. It definitely helps to know others relate and have many of the same needs! Thank you for always being so supportive. You’re one of my favorite newest additions to our family.

      • http://chaosandwords.wordpress.com/ Ashley

        I agree. Always is nice to know you’re not alone. The advice in this article is spot on in identifying healthy things we need and that it’s okay to need them.
        And oh my goodness, thank YOU. That is so incredibly sweet of you to say. I’m happy to be a part of it!

  • Courtney Renfro

    Great Article Chiara ! I agree with Ashley . This article relates to me on so many levels . As women , we need all 20 things on your list . Sometimes , we have shitty days . We must pull through .
    I loved reading it .

    • http://www.theindiechicks.com Chiara Mazzucco

      We definitely MUST pull through, Courtney! Thanks for the kind words!

  • http://www.crazytragicalmostmagic.com Michael

    Chiara, this list is amazing. I feel as though so many of these resonate with me. Her own space, adventure, REAL friends, and several others. Women are usually so busy providing for others than they completely forget their own needs, whatever they may be. This is a great reminder to put ourselves first every now and then.

  • http://lynndaue.com Lynn Daue

    Chiara, you hit the nail on the head with all of these! Women DO need their freedom, time to commune with nature, their own paths. They need to have a purpose outside of raising babies and waiting on husbands. They need to be able to screw up–publicly or privately–and get up again (and again and again). And FRIENDS.

    Love this.

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  • Vera

    Truly loved it. Adventure, friends, goals, shitty days… there are some things we all need in order to feel better. I think the most important is to have people who loves you by your side. Some people (friends, family, boyfriends… even strangers) who you can be yourself and happy with.
    With love,