theindiechicks, allow the pain in, get back up, girl crying, according to jewels

Allow Pain In, Cry (A lot), and Then Get Back Up

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Julie Zantopoulos

When not acting as Vice President and Senior Editor at The Indie Chicks, Jewels is a writer at heart and most likely writing for her own website According to Jewels or working on her first novel.In her free time she loves heading to concerts, taking road trips, reading, and doing anything crafty. Don't hesitate to reach out...she loves chatting with our readers.

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I’m a crier, as in it’s in my nature to cry at everything. I cry when I’m angry, scared, excited, happy, nervous, or tense. I cry as a general expression of any given emotion. In high school when the teacher yelled at a kid who wasn’t listening I was the one tearing up, when I watch Hallmark commercials I definitely cry, and when I even think about something sad I cry legitimate tears. I allow pain in and I think that’s one of the bravest things a person can do.

I believe that crying is essential to my mental health, to everyone’s, female and male. There are times when it physically hurts to not shed the tears I’m holding back. Plus when you hold back and then break, that’s when the ugly, snotty, awful cry comes. You know the one. I’d much rather have a good cleansing crying jag every other day if necessary than hold it in until I burst like a snotty blotchy dam. I truly feel that it helps to allow pain in and come out the other side feeling better able to put the negative behind you and move sure footed into the positive.

Allow Pain In

Since I am such a crier I rarely trust people that don’t cry. I don’t see how it’s possible to not cry unless you’re some kind of cyborg sent here to destroy humanity. The fact is that if you’re not crying you aren’t living openly and allowing yourself to experience the world around you fully. To live is to feel pain and to feel pain is to cry. It’s not weak to allow pain in, to really feel it, it’s a part of growth.

By default when you are open to others and experiences you are going to find failure, heartache, and pain more often than if you live within safer boundaries. When you give yourself permission to allow pain in, to experience it fully, then you can better move on after it. When you deny yourself the mourning and pretend the hurt never happened you never deal with it and are left with that dreaded baggage.

Have enough faith in yourself to know you’ll come out the other side and allow yourself to experience the hurt and work through it. Be badass enough to face it head on and not run from it. With a passionate life comes a certain amount of hurt and that’s okay. One of the things I love about my crying is that it means I trust wholly, love completely, and live uncensored.

Cry A Lot

Now that you’re allowing yourself to feel the emotions caused by living an open and bold life, it’s time to get real. What are you afraid of if you let yourself cry? Are you afraid you’ll never stop or that you’ll open up old hurts? Well, I think that’s a great place to start. Those old hurts are holding you back and weighing you down and you deserve to be free of them.

Take that time and allow pain in, let yourself cry. The ugly, surrounded by tissues, blotchy, puffy eyes, and rocking on the bed; that cry. Cry until you have no more tears to cry; until you’re done exploring all that you’ve been hidden from. It’ll feel uncomfortable, you’ll feel raw, and you may even have a bit of panic from allowing yourself to take it that deep but I believe it’s essential to moving forward free of baggage.

Once you’re all cried out wash your face, put a cold compress on your eyes, and nap cause chances are your head will be killing you. Then wake up and let your feet hit the floor a new, freer, lighter woman.

Get Back Up

You’ve got the bold life and the crying (a lot) down, now it’s time to dust yourself off and move on. I’ve done the first two steps and now I can live each day open to what comes my way, allowing myself purging cries and mini breakdowns when needed and then I move the hell on. No more huge weight to carry; I feel, I cry, and I get on with life. I don’t harbor the pain, resentment, or anger. I feel it, immediately, I cry or rage, and then I move on.

How do you get back up? You accept that things are going to hurt you in life; you view things with a clear perspective, and you allow yourself to cry when needed. It’s okay to fall down, to be angry, hurt, and sad, so long as you don’t stay there forever. I’ve talked about depression before and the easiest way to fall back into a dark place is by denying your emotions and harboring pain. Acknowledge it, feel it completely, work through it then and there, and then pick yourself back up.

Look at crying like a large project, it’s easier to deal with things as them come up than waiting until the to do list is longer than your arm. Breaking things down into small manageable emotions is much easier, so fall apart and then get your shit together, girl!

It really is a simple equation. Allow Pain In+ Cry=Healing and Healthy. It’s a simple method but one that is hard to adhere to but I encourage you to try. I don’t have time for toxic emotions and neither should you.

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  • Chrystal Rose

    Crybaby Jewels ;) Crying is something I just have to do. I’m incredibly connected to my emotions and crying at points when I need to really helps me to move on to the next step. I do think that for me, crying too often would take away from the relief. I kind of need to pop now and then.

    Funny that you say “cyborg” when referring to someone that doesn’t cry. A lot of people tend to think of me as a machine that can’t cry. I do, it’s just private for me and my boyfriend and my mom are pretty much the only people that get to see that side.

    • Jewels

      I understand that crying in front of others is a very vulnerable thing to do. For me I guess it’s just not something I can control. I’m too exposed to shut it down until I’m alone most times. I feel it, I acknowledge it, and I cry pretty much immediately.

      I hate that there is any stigma around crying. Why should I be ashamed that I feel, care, or hurt? I say when you have to, let them flow.

  • Sandy Ramsey

    I think when you are a raised in a family that looks at crying as weakness or a flaw in your character, you obviously bring that with you into adulthood. That is what happened in my case. However, now, I cry. A lot. When I am happy, sad, definitely when I’m angry, etc. It is such a release and it is NOT a sign of weakness, it IS a sign of strength. If you can get rid of all the crap lying beneath that forces that urge to the surface, you leave a lot of space for whatever is next. Thanks for the fantastic article, Jewels!

    • Jewels

      Thanks for the great comment, Sandy. I am lucky in that while I don’t come from a ‘crying family’ necessarily, it was always okay that I was a crier. I never felt like I was doing something wrong when I cried. I agree though that it helps us move on, push past, and then get our butts out there lighter and ready to take on the world. I’m SO happy to hear that you allow yourself the freedom of tears.

  • http://suburbiainterrupted.com/ Suburbia Interrupted

    I am a crier as well. Commercials, happy news, sad news, silly tv shows and those dang Sunday morning tear jerker stories on ESPN.

    Having said that, I cannot cry when I am super stressed or upset about something going on with me personally. It’s like I shut down and can’t allow the emotions to escape. It’s crazy.

    Crying does the body good. Just wish I could stop the ridiculous amount of years when the grocery store commercial comes on and save the tears for stressful day. :)

    • Jewels

      Suburbia, you crack me up. I hear you. There are times when I’m too upset to cry but that’s when I know that as soon as I slow down or am by myself it’s gonna get ugly and I prepare for that as well.

  • Ashley Sapp

    I’m a private crier. I do tend to hold it in, but then I reach a point where it just comes out. When I’m with my sister or husband, it’s much easier to let myself cry. I’m like Dani, though, and when I’m super stressed, my emotions shut down. It’s as though I don’t have time to cry until I accomplish whatever task I’m going at, and then when I’m done, I may cry – releasing it all and starting fresh.

    The exception is when I see people I care about cry – it’s like yawning and is contagious!

    • Jewels

      Oh goodness, Ash, I totally get that last part. If I see somebody I love cry I lose it. Also, if grown men cry. When men cry, tears of pain, it just slays me. As if I needed more reason to cry it just pierces me.

  • Annah Elizabeth

    Hey, Girl!

    Hallmark commercials?! Yeah. Me, too. Every time there’s something on television that is remotely emotional, all eyes turn to see if I am tearing up. LOL My family gets a huge kick out of it…

    I’m glad you’re letting people know it’s okay to cry, to be sad. Do you remember my When Life Gives You Lemons piece? http://theindiechicks.com/attitude-2/when-life-gives-you-lemons-go-first-for-the-onion/ So many people responded that they were glad someone was giving them permission to cry. The world needs many more articles like the one you just wrote, Jewels! Fellow criers unite!!

    • Jewels

      I do remember that piece, Annah. I find the concept of being given “permission” to cry so crazy. Of course you can cry! Hopefully when enough people say “it’s okay to let it go” people will actually do it. It’s good for you, it really is.

      CRIERS UNITE!

  • http://theindiechicks.com/ Chiara Mazzucco

    I seriously have like, a handful of memories of me just out of nowhere breaking down into full blown tears (A couple of which you are WELL aware of)… I remember the first time I “allowed” myself to cry. I was in the shower.. and I felt almost embarrassed, like someone was watching, and I just let go and jesus… it could have been a scene from a movie lol

    BUT…

    I fucking walked out of that bathroom like I was ready to finally deal with whatever it was that had made me cry in the first place. And I try to remind myself of that every time I try to hold back tears, as if it’s a sign of weakness. And the second I do, it’s like a damn faucet.

    • Jewels

      Those are the scary times, the times when you can’t exactly pinpoint the cause or see it coming and suddenly you’re rocking in a corner losing your shit. I try not to get there by allowing the smaller tears to be shed and not letting it build up.

      Crying isn’t a weakness, it’s another one of those weakness as strength moments. Because you allow yourself to be vulnerable it shows how strong you really are.

  • Kristine Santiago

    Jewels, I love this article! I went through a lot of crying when I was training for my show. And through my crying I realized how much was holding me back emotionally and that I needed to feel the pain so that I could move forward! This is perfect…everyone should feel the pain, work through the pain and get back up!

    • Jewels

      I’m so glad you like it, Kristine. It’s uncomfortable at first when you start feeling it, start letting it sink in and explore it, but once you do you can start fresh. I’m glad you allowed that for yourself and can move forward. Just look what you accomplished! You should be so proud of yourself, I know I’m proud of you.

  • http://joannerambling.wordpress.com/ Jo-Anne

    I am a crier as well, I often enjoy a good cry

    • Jewels

      :) Enjoying it is good. A good cry now and again is fantastic.

  • ChucTayyy

    I absolutely needed this today! I’m gonna cry and then I’ll wash my face and apply this nice MAC lipstick I just bought and go on about my day!
    Thank you.

    • Jewels

      Oh ChucTayyy, good for you! Nothing like a new lipstick to brighten your day! You got this.

      It brings up a fun fact about me: When I know I do NOT want to cry I put on a full face. Nobody wants to ruin their hard work with mascara streaked foundation! ;)

      • ChucTayyy

        Full face. Good tip!

  • Sue Nador

    Well said, Jewels. It has been years since I had a really great cry, but I do remember how good it felt to let go completely (something that is really really hard to do when we invest so much time in keeping it together). I remember feeling exhausted afterwards but in a good way, like going for a long, long run that pushes you beyond your limits but leaves you feeling clear-headed and ready to tackle anything!

    • Jewels

      Sue, thats exactly it. It’s a fresh start and one that everyone should give themselves permission to have. I can’t imagine going years without a good cry…the thought is so foreign to me.