I’m a crier, as in it’s in my nature to cry at everything. I cry when I’m angry, scared, excited, happy, nervous, or tense. I cry as a general expression of any given emotion. In high school when the teacher yelled at a kid who wasn’t listening I was the one tearing up, when I watch Hallmark commercials I definitely cry, and when I even think about something sad I cry legitimate tears. I allow pain in and I think that’s one of the bravest things a person can do.
I believe that crying is essential to my mental health, to everyone’s, female and male. There are times when it physically hurts to not shed the tears I’m holding back. Plus when you hold back and then break, that’s when the ugly, snotty, awful cry comes. You know the one. I’d much rather have a good cleansing crying jag every other day if necessary than hold it in until I burst like a snotty blotchy dam. I truly feel that it helps to allow pain in and come out the other side feeling better able to put the negative behind you and move sure footed into the positive.
Allow Pain In
Since I am such a crier I rarely trust people that don’t cry. I don’t see how it’s possible to not cry unless you’re some kind of cyborg sent here to destroy humanity. The fact is that if you’re not crying you aren’t living openly and allowing yourself to experience the world around you fully. To live is to feel pain and to feel pain is to cry. It’s not weak to allow pain in, to really feel it, it’s a part of growth.
By default when you are open to others and experiences you are going to find failure, heartache, and pain more often than if you live within safer boundaries. When you give yourself permission to allow pain in, to experience it fully, then you can better move on after it. When you deny yourself the mourning and pretend the hurt never happened you never deal with it and are left with that dreaded baggage.
Have enough faith in yourself to know you’ll come out the other side and allow yourself to experience the hurt and work through it. Be badass enough to face it head on and not run from it. With a passionate life comes a certain amount of hurt and that’s okay. One of the things I love about my crying is that it means I trust wholly, love completely, and live uncensored.
Cry A Lot
Now that you’re allowing yourself to feel the emotions caused by living an open and bold life, it’s time to get real. What are you afraid of if you let yourself cry? Are you afraid you’ll never stop or that you’ll open up old hurts? Well, I think that’s a great place to start. Those old hurts are holding you back and weighing you down and you deserve to be free of them.
Take that time and allow pain in, let yourself cry. The ugly, surrounded by tissues, blotchy, puffy eyes, and rocking on the bed; that cry. Cry until you have no more tears to cry; until you’re done exploring all that you’ve been hidden from. It’ll feel uncomfortable, you’ll feel raw, and you may even have a bit of panic from allowing yourself to take it that deep but I believe it’s essential to moving forward free of baggage.
Once you’re all cried out wash your face, put a cold compress on your eyes, and nap cause chances are your head will be killing you. Then wake up and let your feet hit the floor a new, freer, lighter woman.
Get Back Up
You’ve got the bold life and the crying (a lot) down, now it’s time to dust yourself off and move on. I’ve done the first two steps and now I can live each day open to what comes my way, allowing myself purging cries and mini breakdowns when needed and then I move the hell on. No more huge weight to carry; I feel, I cry, and I get on with life. I don’t harbor the pain, resentment, or anger. I feel it, immediately, I cry or rage, and then I move on.
How do you get back up? You accept that things are going to hurt you in life; you view things with a clear perspective, and you allow yourself to cry when needed. It’s okay to fall down, to be angry, hurt, and sad, so long as you don’t stay there forever. I’ve talked about depression before and the easiest way to fall back into a dark place is by denying your emotions and harboring pain. Acknowledge it, feel it completely, work through it then and there, and then pick yourself back up.
Look at crying like a large project, it’s easier to deal with things as them come up than waiting until the to do list is longer than your arm. Breaking things down into small manageable emotions is much easier, so fall apart and then get your shit together, girl!
It really is a simple equation. Allow Pain In+ Cry=Healing and Healthy. It’s a simple method but one that is hard to adhere to but I encourage you to try. I don’t have time for toxic emotions and neither should you.