Everyone copes with breakups differently. Some prefer to mope and some want to immediately celebrate sweet freedom. There’s a fine line that needs to be walked between being supportive and being condescending towards someone who has just gotten out of a relationship. The way to cope with being newly single all boils down to perspective and having the right combination of solitude and a swift kick in the ass.
When your friend has just become single, even when you want to shake her out of the bawling, weeping, “WHY?” screaming stage—don’t. Everyone grieves differently, and not everyone realizes resilience at the same pace. Here’s where you put out your feelers and let your friend grieve in her own way, while injecting your badassness back into her emotional veins.
Give Her a Grace Period
Translation: Don’t be a bitch. Be understanding of her pain. So what if you saw it coming? It doesn’t mean she’s hurting any less. Put yourself in her shoes. A break up hurts. For some, it feels like a little sting, and for others, it’s a slow burn that needs plenty of salve to feel better. Be a good friend and if she wants to be alone, let her be. If she wants you to cancel your weekly dinner date with the hubs, make time for her. Be there.
Don’t Talk, Listen
It’s been a week, but she doesn’t need to hear about how much of an ass her new ex is. Don’t tell her how you found out from a friend of a friend that he had been cheating on her, before he dumped her. As a matter of fact, don’t bring him up at all. If she wants to talk about him, let her. There will be time for you to say your piece.
Throw Her a “Freedom” Party
My mom did this. I dated this really lazy guy who had no ambition for way too long. When he broke up with me, she threw me a huge party full of food, booze, and family.
Do that for your friend. Celebrate her fresh start. Open her eyes to the endless possibilities of fresh experiences and refined perspective. If you can’t throw her a party, entice her to come out for a day of shopping, dinner, and drinks.
Every person has a different bounce-back rate. Just because it took you two drinks to get over your last boyfriend doesn’t meant it won’t take your friend two weeks. This isn’t the end of your relationship, it’s the end of hers, and being judgmental toward her will benefit no one.
Remind Her How Badass She Is
As her friend, this is ultimately your job. No matter which way you cut it, the end of a relationship can be viewed as a failure if those involved aren’t careful. Remind her that her relationships don’t dictate who she is. She does. Since the relationship is over, they have served their purpose to one another, and good riddance. She doesn’t need to look back if she doesn’t want to.
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