11 Things All Great Lovers Have and Do

12 things all great lovers have

Being an amazing lover requires skill and the right attitude. When I think of hot sex, I think of the awesome scene in The Notebook when Ryan Gosling passionately makes love to Rachel McAdams. First they lock lips in the rain, he carries her in the house, pushes her up against the wall and they undress as he carries her up the stairs… Damn, he’s strong. Then there was the gorgeous Frenchman (Oliver Martinez) who gives Diane Lane the orgasm of her life in Unfaithful-remember when just his lips made her stomach quiver? Those kind of sex scenes turn me on far more than any porno I’ve watched. Why? Because it isn’t so much about what they did, it was how they did it.  

We all want and deserve, hot movie sex. What qualities do these hot movie stars, or any real life sexual masters have that make them toe-curling, spark-flying, orgasm-inducing lovers? I’ll tell you their secrets and teach you how to be a strong, passionate, sexy, mind-blowing partner in bed, too.

1. Confidence

If you know you have the skills to make your partner squeal, scream, and feel orgasmic bliss, your confidence will make you an amazing lover. Owning it is sexy and a huge turn-on. Don’t be the guy who has to ask every time you switch positions, “Does that feel good?”. When you’re going down on your man don’t ask, “Do you like it when I use my hands?”. There’s a time and place for talking about what you want, but no one wants their sexy vibes interrupted with too many questions.

2. Passion

Last year I dated Mr. Boring. He earned that nickname because he was incapable of expressing any desire. I could walk past him in lingerie and he wouldn’t even flinch! I literally stood in front of him in sexy boy shorts and a cute bra and he didn’t even try to touch me, let alone have sex with me. He never attempted morning sex, or to even have a mini make-out session on the couch, and I’m a hot babe. He would say, “You look nice today”, but never in an I-can’t-wait-to-do-you-later sort of way.

It wasn’t so much that I felt unattractive, but I did feel undesired. That is not how your boyfriend or girlfriend should make you feel. Being able to express your desire for your partner is key to your success in the bedroom and beyond. Tell your wife how sexy her back is, or your husband that his butt in those new jeans make you want to stare a little longer while he walks away. Being passionate means being emotionally open. Don’t be afraid to share your feelings and your desires if you want to be the lover of your partner’s dreams.

3. Communication Skills

sharing, secret, sex, sexy, lovers, Communication is all about talking and listening, not just with your words, but your body. The best lover I ever had was Mr. Amazing (trust me, he earned that name). He knew that if he pulled me on top of him and did that “thing” with his hands, I’d orgasm in a matter of moments. He could translate every moan into “Do this more” or “That feels good, but move on.”

Why was he so good? He paid attention to details and was open to talking about what we both liked. I knew I could say things like, “Grab my ass harder,” or “Spank me,” and he would respond positively. Discussing what you like, incorporating a little dirty talk, and being able to say “Please be a little gentler with that finger”, shows your investment in you and your partner’s intimate success. It requires paying attention to cues, learning where they like to be touched, and what makes them scream.

4. Desire to Give and Receive

Taking the selfless approach in bed gives you major bonus points. For example, let me tell you about Mr. Selfish. He would get me all turned on with amazing foreplay throughout the day with sensual, passionate kisses or he’d tease me with his hand on my leg while we were watching a movie, but once the clothes came off, he turned into Mr. Selfish. He would get on top and come within two minutes and if I didn’t manage to climax in that one position, forget it. I was doomed. No one wants a lover who’s going to leave them orgasm-less at the end of the night.

By the same token it’s equally as important to enjoy receiving pleasure. It was incredibly dissatisfying to feel like nothing I did turned Mr. Boring on, even if that wasn’t true. I wanted to see him get all hot and bothered by my lingerie, or for him to wake me up at 6am just to have sex, but it never crossed his mind. It’s a turn-on to see your lover’s eyes follow you across a room, or roll in the back of their head when you ride them into pure bliss. That’s why it is equally important to have both the desire to give and receive.

5. Creativity and Being Open to Trying New Things

Have you ever been to a sex store with your partner? Do you read the Kama Sutra together over dessert? Do it! A little creativity can go a long way. Mr. Experimental (another ex) and I went to a sex store and looked around at everything together- just for fun. After scoping out the goodies together, we decided to play a game: we took turns waiting in the car for the other person to buy something we each felt the other would enjoy. He came home with a feather and some handcuffs and I bought some tingly mouth mints and edible underwear. It was fun, didn’t cost a lot of money, and after being with him for two years it was a great way to spice things up a little. A great lover is open to trying new things to please their partner. Talking about what you like is the first step, experimenting comes next. You could discover some juicy common interests along the way!

keep reading for more tips

Meena Avery

Meena is the dating deviant you can't help but love and wish you never met. She’s a quirky and heart-breaking romantic writer who’s a little too blunt, only likes to wear skirts, and shares extremely personal (often embarrassing) stories from her dating life, all while attempting to offer advice along the way. She’s written about being a famous rock-star’s muse, throwing up on a guy after a first kiss, and (most importantly) finally experiencing mind-blowing passion in every room of the house. Meena’s journey has inspired her desire to let other hopeful-yet-frequently-disappointed singles know that they are not alone by creating her blog Impress Me...Please? Meena contributes regularly to a variety of popular dating blogs and is currently working on her first book.

  1. Meena, I loved this article. Having an open communication, feeling comfortable with your lover, and having a healthy give/receive ratio is huge. I think the more you talk prior to sex the better it is once it starts. I nodded in agreement with all you said. Holy horrible exes by the way! haha. Thanks for sharing this with us.

    1. Thank you so much Julie! That’s a great point about how talking BEFORE makes it so much better DURING…Seriously true about the horrible exes…it really was THAT bad! Thank you for letting me write for your brilliantly badass online magazine!

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  5. Great article! Loved that you brought up the sex scene from the Notebook- best scene in the world- even better in the book! A lot of people are afraid of communication, maybe the fear the awkwardness? But if you can be open with your lover you will have better sex than those who don’t communicate. Plus, communication builds on knowledge- you can only get better :)

    1. Thanks so much Genevieve! That scene IS so much hotter in the book, you’re right! That just proves that power of words and imagination! If people stop being afraid to share and communicate all the sexy stuff that goes on in their minds they’ll be having way hotter sex too, right? Thanks for reading and your comment! :-)

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